Saturday, August 8, 2009

Behind the Scenes of a Scene - Part III

So tonight is the night of our upcoming scene. I’ve had time to process the information from the IM session I had the other day with Erica. My most intense. Check. My most strict. Check. My most everything. Everything. Hmmm. So open-ended. So many options.

So, here’s how it goes: First I think about the emotional intensity of the scene. How will I ramp up—and then amp up—that intensity? How far will I take it? How harsh should I go? When will it be too intense? Do I draw back if she is responding negatively, or should I push it further? The importance of staying focused and paying extremely close attention to the sounds, movements and words of the bottom when enacting a harsh scene is paramount in my mind. I don’t want to kill the scene by going too far, pushing beyond her limits. I don’t actually answer all these questions, I intuit a direction and let it flow, I guess.

For this scene, Erica’s given me the green light to push. To push her limits, to push the emotional aspects of the scene and to push her physically. These scenes can be tough for me (I know, I know, imagine it for the bottom!). Often I enjoy light, playful scenes. They’re fun. The darker, more intense scenes can be very draining, emotionally and physically. I am a true sadist, but as I’ve said on this blog before, I’m compassionate, not cruel. For these types of scenes I tend to lean into the cruel, which isn’t in my comfort zone. It’s hard for me sometimes to hear a legitimate cry out of real pain that sounds distressful. I’ll have to carefully navigate this scene. It’ll be only the second time we’ve gone to this place together. Erica trusts me implicitly, which is important to me that she is willing to give of herself in this way. I don’t want to scene kill by pushing too far, going too intense, or being too strict.

As I said in the IM, the scene can be intense and it can be intensely personal. As I described in my previous blog entry, I used personal information of a misunderstanding that had happened between us as fodder for our last intense scene. I used that personal information against her—with her prior consent. I didn’t want to just “surprise” her with that level of personal intensity without her knowing about it in advance. Doing so could have come across as cruel or humiliating, and I respect Erica too much for that perception to happen.

Then I think about the implements to be used during the scene, beyond my hands, of course. What did I use last time? What works best with her? What does she love? What does she hate? What can I add that’s new that I can work into the scene? What other aspects can I introduce to her to keep her guessing, keep her on her toes?

Each new scene with Erica I try to introduce something new. Not something new to her, she’s pretty experienced, but something new between us. There’s a lot she doesn’t like. From our first private scene at last March’s Shadow Lane I learned a lot of the stuff I liked—“pokey things” as she calls them—won’t work. I've tried bondage with one scene. I've tried floggers with another. I’ve introduced a bit of knife play (more about the edge than the pokey end).

Tonight, I’ve a got a few new things up my sleeve. I’m introducing clothespins. Some people’s skin is so taut that you can’t find a grip. The last time we played, I “checked” to see if a clothespin would hold. (Trust me, I’m not suggesting there’s any flab on that fabulous body, I just did a pinch test and knew I could get a clothespin to hold.) I’m going to put them on the “sweet spot” along the edge of the buttocks where it meets the leg. That ought to be torture. And because she commented on FetLife about not understanding people’s use of certain oils to enhance the pain, I’m bringing peppermint oil as a test. That should wake her up. She hates wood implements, so I ordered a new hairbrush paddle made of a deliciously unyielding wood to try out near the end of the scene. Finally, I’m going to try some new impact play tonight.

Combine these new implements with the psychology of the scene and we’re pretty much set. The arc I plan with each scene involves implements first. I plan out, roughly, what implements I’ll use from start to finish. I always start OTK with Erica. She loves that. Then I stand her next to the padded bench we prefer and move to canes and some whippy things I love. As she gets more weak in the legs I’ll move her onto the bench and go with slappers, crops and then the clothespins and peppermint oil. Move onto the impact play and then to paddles, a dastardly crop she truly hates and wrap up with wood and my favorite thick leather paddle, a definite scene-closer. I’ll amp up the intensity and strictness at the start, focusing on the psychology of the scene and really putting it to her. Toward the middle of the arc, there will be some protocol—counting mostly, of a distinctly unique style that I’ve created that is utterly flummoxing and infuriating for the bottom. Finally, as we reach the harshest portion of the scene, I start to soften the psychology of the scene as the intensity increases. Erica needs to know she has someone to fall back on at the worst of times.

It will get intense. At the end of the scene, she’s down and out for some time. I’ll hold her and comfort her and let her know she’s secure as she comes back, very, very slowly.

In a day or two, I’ll describe what actually happened, how it changed (as it always does) to various conditions that occur during a scene, improvisational changes and last-minute impromptu decisions. Even I will be interested in comparing notes from this entry to what actually transpired.

6 comments:

  1. Wow Craig! I loved reading this. It's a very insightful post about what is going on in your mind as you prepare to top Erica. It's helpful because I am a switch and go both ways. I'm not as experienced as a top, so this gives me great ideas. Thanks for taking time to write it and I'll be interested to learn from both perspective how things turn out. ~Jujubees

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  2. Excellent post, Craig! I love the insight into the prior planning from the Top side. I'm looking forward to hearing how the real session compares to the preparation.

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  3. Thanks for the comment, Jujubees! Glad I can deliver...

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  4. I look forward to reading Erica's blog, too, Jada!

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  5. Wow. What can I say, now that we are on the other side of this? Where do I start? I do intend to blog about it, once I catch up on some sleep and process it a bit in my head. It was indeed intense. And I'm so glad I didn't read this beforehand. It was tempting, but I promised not to.

    Excuse my French, but there's just no other way to say it, kids -- Craig is one of the most fucking amazing tops I've ever met. :-) Stay tuned for my blog.

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  6. Thanks for the nice comments, Erica. You were amazingly strong, incredibly vulnerable and emotionally present last night. I will blog soon as well about the how our scene transpired.

    And as for the compliment, well, I think you're biased, but thank you.

    C

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