Friday, September 11, 2009

My Own Post-Party Drop

I've been telling my female friends from Shadow Lane to be careful of post-party drop or "spanking orgy let-down," a common psychological disorder known as SOLD. (That's not even funny. Ignore me.) and I've told them, proudly, that it's something I simply do not experience. I got to wondering if tops experience this at all, if "drop" is unique to bottoms. Well, I'm here to tell you, for this particular top, it is not.

I had my own weird and visceral reaction today. In speaking to my lovely switch of a wife on the phone this morning I inquired if she was going to be playing with anyone at our local BDSM club Saturday night--we're typically there most Saturday nights, either with Erica and J or other individuals--and she said she had no plans, that we were likely to have a quiet night at home instead. I'm good with the occasional quiet night at home. But it got me pining for the Shadow Lane or Florida Moonshine parties.

At those parties I can see someone I want to play with, politely ask if I can take them to the bedroom to give 'em a few whacks and off we go. Or I've prearranged spankings or BDSM scenes in advance. My card is pretty full. I like that, knowing I'll be busy and having fun.

But at the Lair, it's catch-as-catch-can...or not. Most likely not. Most playdates there are prearranged. There's very little trolling for someone to bottom or top. In the BDSM world, such trolling could end up with dangerous consequences at worst or a mediocre scene at best. I've given up on the opportunity for a random walk-up in that setting.

I know many tops that work very hard online at setting playdates and acquiring interested play parties. FetLife, and other dens of debauchery are their haunts, email and IM the new way to find a playdate. Of course, the results seem to be less than satisfactory. I talk to many of the tops/doms at the Lair who express frustration at many of their planned rendezvous simply not panning out. The other party just doesn't show up. I get it. It's tough to meet at a BDSM club, particularly if you're alone and a woman. Talk about feeling vulnerable!

I just don't have time for all that. It's bad enough I work as many hours in a week as I do, travel a lot for business and have very little downtime once I get back from a few hours at the gym. I savor that downtime. Even still, I'm usually online, paying bills, catching up on the continuous stream of work-related emails that pour in from around the globe when others are working in foreign places, or IMing with friends and play partners. So much for downtime!

So I have a hard time imagining working the message boards on FetLife or trying to come up with, at best, a 50/50 proposition. Maybe I don't want it bad enough. Certainly I am not critiquing the techniques or wherewithal of my top/dom compatriots. They have more patience and fortitude than I do.

All of which leads me to the subject of this post: my own post-party drop.

Thinking about last weekend and the fun we had at Shadow Lane's Vegas party, thinking about all the wonderful women I got to spank (and flog, and touch with poky things, and strap, and cane, and, and, and...) and then thinking about the Lair and my lack of an opportunity to do the same kinda bummed me out.

Of course, there's always the monthly (give or take) playdate with Erica. I'll gladly wait a month to get a chance to play with her, but it's more the philosophy of the thing--the cold, hard reality of it. The scenes are different, the attitudes more insular, the approaches more protocol-laden and complicated.

And, for me, I've got just a bit of the SOLD.


  1. I hear ya. Well said.

    You know how I feel about the BDSM gatherings and protocols and complications and so forth, so I won't belabor it to death here. But now that you have a few true spanking parties under your belt (so to speak), I think you really do get the difference. How much more light-hearted and spontaneous they are. How much more welcoming, on balance.

    I can completely understand why you don't want to do all the networking. It's exhausting, and oftentimes frustrating and fruitless. I wish I could send some fun female players your way at the Lair. But I'm a spanko. My gal pals are spankos. They don't like BDSM dungeons.

    Just know that in this SOLD business, you're not alone. I'm going to blog about the very same thing shortly. -- Erica

  2. Hey, spanko. You and a few of your friends certainly do the crossover rather nicely to the BDSM world, if I do say so myself...

  3. I cross over when there's someone worth crossing over for. :-) -- E.

  4. As someone who has very little prospect of playing for at least the next two months, I can completely understand what you're feeling. I'm not having a depressed kind of party drop like I've heard others experience, but I really, really miss the camaraderie and spontaneity of last weekend. These parties have become very important to me in the short time I've been attending them,and it's a little hard to come back to the real world.

  5. I'm sure. Enjoy your vacation nonetheless.


  6. Craig and erica, when is your wedding?

  7. Hmmmm... Well, considering that Craig just celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary with the love of his life, and I just celebrated 13 years with mine, the answer to that question would be... never. OK? -- Erica