Saturday, October 17, 2009

Saturday's Scene and Questions (at the end)

I haven't had a chance to blog about my scene from a week + ago with Erica. Too busy commenting to lurkers and people about butt hair (and thanks again to Connie for daring me to blog about butt hair--ended up being one of the best commented topics thusfar). So here goes...

We had a nice dinner at a very tasty Chinese place before heading off to the Lair. With schedules what they were, it's been about a month since we'd been, so it felt good to "come home." Like always, we chatted in the kitchen for a while before Erica and I made our way to our usual spot in the next room.

Erica was in need of very intense scene. She'd been scattered in certain ways over the prior week(s). She'd had some issues that needed addressing. She needed "centering." Dark and intense was the order of the day.

I had planned on very impersonally putting her bent over on the bench, swatting her straight away with a paddle. She loves to start OTK and I know that human connection is incredibly important to her, so I thought it would set the tone for the intensity of the scene by going away from that, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right. I'd made a show of laying out the implements I was intending on using. It really messes with Erica's head. I pulled out the thick natural wood paddle with the holes drilled in it. I'd brought it only once before and had only shown it to Erica in the middle of the scene before she broke down, begging me not to use it. I hadn't. But evidently Erica didn't see this implement in the darkened room. By the time we started I just felt I needed to modify my plan.

I took her over my lap, but did no warm up. Instead, I started into a volley of very intense, hard-handed swats. I could hear Erica's surprise in the way she gasped for air. She knew this was going to be a hard scene and was demure before we had begun--no bratting tonight. My hand spanking grew more intense, with one of my special techniques that doesn't give the bottom a chance to "take a breather." I was not going to rub it out, either. This was meant to be punishing. At my side I'd placed a strap and my new London Tanner's Nanny Paddle (love that thing, so thanks Ian!). I seamlessly brought them into the spanking so Erica didn't know when I went from the hand to the paddle that it was coming. Keep 'em guessing...

She was vocal a bit, but mostly surprise that I wasn't about to let up or warm her up, so I moved her to a bent over position at the bench and moved on to my flicky gym towel-like leather thing (I never know the damn name for this--Dragon's Tail???) and a Devil's Tail and few other things that required some distance. Wrapped once and nailed her between the legs. GOD, I hate when I do that! She knows it's not intentional and knows I feel very poorly about it when it does, but we moved on quickly. (Hey, not going to sugar coat this stuff. Tops screw up occasionally too, you know!) The color on her bottom was red and getting welts. About an hour had gone by at this point.

I moved her face down onto the padded bench, covered with my soft, furry blanket she loves to snuggle into and keeps her skin from getting cold on the Naugahyde and allows the skin to breathe. A flurry of hand spanks, then the caning began. If you're a regular reader of either of our blogs you'll know she hates, hates, HATES my carbon fiber cane. So I used that first. I about killed the scene then, so intense were my swats without let-up. I really punished her "sweet spots." To "pound out" the pain from the cane I switched to a wide leather paddle, very slappy. Between, rub-downs with a rabbit fur mitt, some gentle fingertips and then I surprised her by bringing out my throwing knives, gently tracing them across her back, arms and legs, then digging them into the flesh of her buttocks, the pointy tips leaving trails in her skin. She howled with this, her mind telling her she was being cut. She's so scared of knives. They caressed her and tortured her. At one point I had the mitt in one hand and the knife in the other, switching between the two, short-circuiting her senses. Still she screamed bloody murder.

Enough with the knives, I went back to hand and then more canes, focusing on a rubber cane that's a nasty little friend of mine. This was about pushing limits and going to forbidden places, thus the knives, but I also had a thick, thuddy cane of fiberglass that Erica had me toss away one early scene when I was learning what she liked and disliked. Without showing it to her I swatted her butt with it and she knew instantly what it was and what I was doing. Rather than saying "stop!" she dug deep and took it, putting her trust in me. I checked in frequently, making sure she was really alright.

At about that point I asked her a variant of a common question I put to her in our scenes. I whispered in her ear: "Are you centered yet?" Her answer surprised me. "I'll be centered when you decide I'm centered." She had put herself 100% into my hands. Submitted to me. I drew out the wooden paddle with the holes in it and again, without showing it her first, swatted her cheeks. "Oh god!" she screamed, knowing full well what was at hand. I showed it to her then and she buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "This is going to get intense," I said. "But to be fair, I'll tell you how many swats I'm going to do and how." And I did.

I started to get more compassionate at this point, rubbing it out before switching to the final implement, our traditional scene-ender, a thick leather paddle, so thick it looks like wood. Erica hates it more than anything and this time I told her the count: 50. I started lighter, to be fair, and worked up to about the hardest I could muster, the sound of the hits really echoing around the room, Erica's screams so loud and frightening I thought the DM might show up and glare at me. But she took them all with aplomb.

Her return to normalcy took a long time, so deep was she. She sobbed, but not like other, intense scenes. This time, it was just a long, slow return. She was grateful for my intensity, but I had no idea how frightened she'd been with the knives or how major her trust in me was with the thick cane or the wooden paddle. Those had been Big Deals, and she let me know. Later, we talked about her submission. Again, the import of that moment ("I'll be centered when you decide.") didn't truly strike me in the moment, I was in my own topspace, but I hugged her and petted her and let her know how truly appreciative I was of her giving herself to me.

These scenes are intense, physically and emotionally, as most of you know. A lot of this kind of stuff isn't talked about. We speak (or write) of these things superficially, focusing on the fun and the play, not the intensity of emotion. After one such blog someone commented, "When are the two of you going to get married?" sarcastically (and anonymously). Well, I am married, for 25 years and Erica has been in her stable relationship for 13. If any reader of either of blog senses such an intimacy, it's certainly because we've become close friends, because the connection we share, the trust she puts in me and the emotional bond is, honestly, rather intense.

Do you have intense scenes, play partners you bond with? Tops/bottoms you trust implicitly? I'm sure you must. Please share.


  1. Wow. Thank you for taking me back there. That was truly amazing.

    Yes, I do trust you 100%. Because you earned it, you worked for it, you cared enough to "get" me. I know I keep emphasizing that, but it's so true. Demanding submission and trust with pomp and circumstance, brute force and intimidation, might seem more expedient in today's instant-access world, but it's not for this girl.

    I hope people do share about their special trust and bonds with play partners! Wonderful subject. -- Erica

  2. Thanks, Erica. You made me smile. I appreciate you and your thoughts.

  3. Yes, I have fond memories of intense scenes, and play partners whom I bonded with over time.

    Trust (within the scene) is forever changing. It is earned and lost, renewed and then seems to fade, only to come back stronger and more powerful then ever.

    My other comment was the size of a small novel, but I decided this short one was best. :}


  4. I'd be curious to read the "small novel"!

    Thanks for commenting, Connie!