Friday, October 9, 2009

A Spanking Primer for BDSM Tops

A friend, a devoted and seasoned BDSM player, communicated with me recently about getting into the spanking scene. (Evidently my blog makes a compelling argument for hauling a gorgeous dame across your lap, hmmm?) Questions began to fly. In my constant search for meaningful content for my blog, I realized the email exchanges were the start on a Spanking Primer for BDSM Tops. Consider this a first installment with sections appearing in no particular order. Someday you could find this on Amazon, perhaps?


Spankers vs. BDSMers:

Just commenting that BDSMers and spankers are different kinds of people, spankers and BDSMers don't want to admit how close they are to one another. Spankers can look down their noses haughtily at the BDSM scene. "Too weird!" "We don't do THAT!" That sort of thing. BDSMers are more open to spanking, but many say, "Oh, that's so about PLAY. It's not real corporeal punishment. They don't take it seriously." They're both right and both wrong.


How to Find a Play Partner at a Party:

"First-glance attraction.” There's far less subtlety at spanking parties than at a BDSM dungeon. (And just take, for a moment, the less-than-subtle cues from those descriptions alone. Spanking aficionados have “parties.” BDSMers go to “dungeons.”) At the Lair, they're a lot of circling, of vague communication in the hopes of coming to some conclusion. In the end, eventually--perhaps--it could lead to, "So, do you want to play some time?" In the spanking world, it's much simpler. You see someone across the room (or they see you). You strike up a conversation. Everyone knows why everyone else is there, so there are no airs about it. You could walk up and say, "Hey, need a spanking? Oh, I'm Craig," and if you don't come off like some kind of creeper you'd be off and spanking in seconds.


Types of Play:

  1. General Suite Party Play: lots of people, open to all party goers, grab a partner, go off to one of the bedrooms and play for 10-30 minutes. Very casual, no planning. Bratting may occur. Don't see a whole lot of role play.
  2. Private Party Play: smaller private invitee only parties in smaller suites, grab a partner, go off to one of the bedrooms and play for 10-30 minutes. Could be more intense or intimate. Role play may or may not be a part of these activities, determined by the individuals. Could easily play with 4-5 people in an evening.
  3. Private Play: two people make arrangements to play in a hotel room, they do their thing, whatever it might be. Typically, these are done during the day as the parties take place at night.

Bratting:

Bratting is not so much role-play, IMHO. Role-play is more scene or scenario stuff. Worked out in advance. Bratting can range from totally annoying "little girl" stuff (which I just do not get into) to more subdued or intelligent arguments/punishments kind of things. Bratting happens openly in the play suites but role-play seems to be more private.


Clothing During Spanking:

As for women getting spanked, some get spanked over clothes only. Some you can take down the pants or pull up the skirt and spank. Others you can pull down the panties and spank. Depends on the girl. Depends on the guy. Depends on the familiarity, chemistry, etc.


Emotions:

Jealousy issues between spankees? No. It's so relaxed and casual. Virtually no protocol. No seriousness. The vibe is totally different than in the BDSM scene. It's very spontaneous. Everyone is there for the same reason: get as much spanking/play in as you can get. You can dive as deep as you feel comfortable depending on the individual.

4 comments:

  1. I agree with much of what you've said. Spontaneity and laughter vs. serious, the layers of clothing vs. getting naked right off the bat in BDSM, light vs. dark, bratting vs. submission. Tony of Shadow Lane once said that spanking and BDSM are "cousins." I've always liked that. Related, but still somewhat removed from the immediacy of, say, siblings.

    But I must beg to differ on a couple of points in the last paragraph. For one, trust me, jealousy is very much alive and well in the spanking scene too, unfortunately. And there are indeed plenty of protocols. I guess we don't call them protocols, though -- we call them etiquette. But same ballpark.

    Oh, another thing you see at BDSM dungeons that you don't see at spanking parties -- sex. I'm sure it's happening in private, but you won't see it in the room parties in front of others. No three-ways on kitchen counters. :-) So a BDSM aficionado coming to a spanking party would have to alter his/her expectation of what might be considered kosher in public. -- Erica

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  2. True, that. You're right about protocols and what it's called. I was really referring to true BDSM protocols. Everything has it's appropriate behaviors...

    As for jealousy I should have said, "Just because I don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there."

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  3. There is lots of jealousy. I love getting to know my sister-spankees, but when I am missing a certain top, when someone doesn't write me or contact me, and I know he plays with others, I can't help but think -- is he contacting THEM? Are THEY more important? I HATE these feelings, but they are there.

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  4. Maybe some tops don't have certain bottoms' non-webmaster general in-box email addresses...

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