Sunday, November 15, 2009

...And Gingering Discussions Brought THIS on...

A friend emailed me to tell me a funny (albeit painful!) gingering (figging) story. She said a husband and his wife were were gingering/caning and at one point he was really into it and pulled out the ginger and inserted himself, only to experience excruciating pain on his member from the strong ginger root! Yikes!

I feel for the guy. No, really, I do. I have been there! Well, not in the ass with the ginger. Well, I mean, I've been in the ass... Wait. Okay. Back up. What I mean to say is: I've experienced this kind of penile pain before.

Allow me to elaborate...

Years and years ago, when I was in a punk rock band, I used to carry mace on a keychain in my pocket (alleys, 2 am, loading vans with band equipment, Hollywood, cash earnings--these things bring you to carry a weapon). One day, I was lying on the floor of a friends' bedroom playing Dungeons & Dragons (yeah, a punk rock nerd--imagine that!) and somehow the pressure caused the mace to release just a bit in my pocket. After about a half an hour on the floor, I started to feel a burning. I went into the bathroom and dropped my pants and saw an angry red weeping welt about the size of a football on my thigh.

"What the hell...?" I wondered. It took a few minutes for me to put two and two together. The pain was excruciating. I knew the mace was oil-based, so I got a wet washrag, put soap on it and scrubbed, bringing tears to my eyes. I cleaned it up enough to stop the burning, so I pulled my pants back on, careful to avoid the angry red welt, raised and puffy at least a half an inch off my leg.

About a half hour later I had to pee, so I went back the restroom and pulled out my willy. Unbeknownst to me, I still had some of that oil-based mace on my fingers. The resulting pain on the head of my manhood was so excruciating I fell to my knees, nearly hitting my chin on the toilet bowl, and almost passing out.

So yeah, I feel for the man...

4 comments:

  1. Oh good lord...I think i just peed my pants!

    You poor dears! as hard as I am laughing right now I feel for you!...our fav waitress at Tijuana flats, (a take out/eat in Mexican place with a hot sauce bar that literally has a health warning on it,) told us about a new recruit who went to the bathroom after refilling the sauce and had to call for help because she couldn't handle the burning down below!!

    And from one punk rock nerd to another...you are not alone! LOL

    sarah

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  2. I've gotten that by rubbing my eye after cutting serrano peppers! Ugh!

    Thanks, Sarah!

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  3. OK, I swore I wasn't going to comment on this topic any further, but I can't resist.

    As far as what happened to you with the mace, Craig? Yeah, that's pretty damned awful, and I feel for you. But as for your friend and the ginger? Serves him effing well right! :-Þ See how much HE likes that feeling! -- Erica

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  4. Wasn't my friend who experienced it. My friend was retelling a story of someone else's experience.

    Pay attention!

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