Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Importance of Attraction

When we play, it's more than just delivering or receiving punishment. (Duh!) There are many other components that draw us in to play.

Mind you, I'm not talking spur-of-the-moment casual play at a spanking party. I'm sure there's a huge mental checklist the brain thumbs through when someone says, "So, do you wanna go play?" like: Is he a creeper? Is she a psycho? How will he play? Is he careful? Those kinds of questions most certainly (hopefully!) enter a mind, but that's not what I'm talking about, really.

I'm talking about attraction. What draws us in to play with another, beyond the casual impromptu play? Certainly there can be a physical attraction. Other times, it's seeing a person play with another and thinking, "I'd like to try that." Beyond those obvious, and rather superficial, aspects of attraction, what lies beneath?

Attraction can take on many forms beyond those first impressions. Perhaps it's the honesty or sincerity in which the person speaks or presents themselves. Perhaps it's a certain self-assured way they hold themselves. It could be a glowering disposition in a disciplinary top, or the sexy vulnerability of a diminutive bottom. Sometimes the attraction comes from a certain connection, a kind of sixth sense between two people or as the result of an intense scene together, a feeling of closeness that cannot be articulated.

For me, it's many of those things. Sometimes a purely physical attraction. Others, and often after that initial impression, it's a kinship from like interests in play, often it is that almost psychic bond I can share with those I feel close to. Other times, it's the attractiveness of that vulnerability, or the desire to simply make a bottom feel special, wanted, cared for, attended to.

By nature, I'm a fixer and a pleaser. When I have a successful scene, it's because I've resolved a conflict, conundrum, confusion or issue within a bottom that can only be resolved with a good punishment or disciplinary scene. And in so doing, I please those I top. Two critical things in what I get out the lifestyle. But more importantly, it's that attraction--sometimes animal, sometimes almost spiritual--that binds us all together in this weird thing we all do.

What attracts you?


  1. Great blog! Sure, I have my "oh my God who is THAT" moments at spanking parties. But beyond that initial pull, after the physical attraction, I'm drawn to so many different things.

    Skill and technique, a believable stern demeanor, the right words, that indescribable blend of confidence, compassion and strictness.

    A top who takes the time and has the patience to get inside my head, who cares about what makes me tick, not just about beating on me.

    Someone I can trust. It's not easy being so vulnerable.

    A good top, for me, doesn't want to make me into someone else. He wants to bring out the best in who I already am. -- Erica

  2. Great comment, Erica. Thank you!

    It's great to read others' thoughts on what they find attractive (taking copious notes...). ;-)

  3. I totally agree Erica...

    If I am really going to enjoy a scene for more than just a spankin between spankos there has to be a lot more there than just the initial physical "you look like you could spank"

    The scenes I've most enjoyed have been between me and a top who could keep up with and reciprocate an intelligent exchange and some witty banter without skipping a spanking beat!

    I also enjoy the occasional battle of the wills...but there really has to be that unspoken connection and sense that both sides are enjoying the exchange!

    For me I think it's most about attitude, the top has to be confident with a little swagger, but not so much of an ass that he has to be taken down a peg, have a bit of a sense of humor, and a whole lotta chudspa! LOL

    Great post C!


  4. Sarah:

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.