Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Another Funny/Embarrassing Story
Years ago a contract employee at the company I worked for ran and hosted a cable TV show and website devoted to discussions on adult film. My friend considered himself the Leonard Maltin of porn (my description, not his). Maybe more the Harry Knowles of porn. He had a system for reviewing all the VHS tapes that came in, but he was starting to get a lot of DVDs. He hadn't yet invested in this newfangled DVD thing. I had a DVD player and knowing I was a writer I offered an exchange: give me the DVDs and I'll write porn reviews for your site. He took me up on the offer. It was a win/win. I had wank material and he got pithy reviews.
I didn't take the growing supply of DVDs home for fear my kids would find them, so I kept them in a box that I kept secret in my office at work. When I moved offices, that box went into storage at my company somehow and, to be honest, I forgot all about it.
Yesterday I get an email from a female employee at my place of business. "I found your box of porn," the communication said, almost like it was a blackmail letter. Immediately I felt the steely grip of nausea sweep over me. What do I write? What do I do? I wrote back, "You're right. That is my porn. But for the record, I only had it because I was writing reviews for a website." As if that somehow made it more legit. I had used a nom de plume when writing because...well...duh. Panic setting in, I decided to Google that pen name. To my amazement, a number of reviews still existed in the aether of the interwebs. I quickly copied and pasted the Google search results and sent it back to the young lady who had the misfortune to stumble upon EuroHotties #16 and Fists of Fury 4.
After sending her the links I didn't hear back. In my own twisted mind I figured the links to the porn site with the reviews of crappy adult films written under a pen name would some how legitimize that box of porn. Later that evening I paid a visit to the H.R. lady and had a casual chat, just to see if she had anything she needed to say to me. Fortunately, everything seems fine.
I should just track that box down and donate it before someone less--understanding?--finds it.