Friday, January 8, 2010
Mental Manipulation versus a quick Mind Fuck
I've spent a lot of time on this blog talking about the differences I perceive between the BDSM and spanking worlds. I've talked about protocols, scenes, respect, intensity, communication, joy, fear, chemistry and a whole lot more. One thing I haven't spent much musings on is the mind. The differences between the two worlds are can be seen in this realm, too.
In the BDSM world, there is much said (and more done) with regard to mind games, mental supremacy, protocols to create superiority both physical and mental and much more. These can lead to some serious fucked up shit. There are those who chose to twist their own mental problems, disassociations, childhood issues or whatever into mind games they exert on others. This they see as part of the scene. Part of "the play." As discussed on this blog time and again, that's all fine and dandy when the two parties are consenting to play. Hey, if you want to be mentally fucked up, go for it! As long as you're lucid and know what you want, who's to stop you?
I'm not saying this doesn't exist in the spanking world. Not at all. Mind games are integral to a good scene. Essential. The psychology of a scene often involves carefully played discipline both physical and mental. But generally speaking, in this writer's opinion, in the spanking world the mind games are often just that: games.
When I plan on using mental play in a scene I'll tip off my play partner this is my intent, or check first to see if she is in the right place emotionally and mentally prior to going on to doing some kind of mind fuck. I don't use mind games at all in my play unless I think my bottom wants it or needs it, and never without inquiring first.
There was a scene with Erica last year in which she really wanted an intensely emotional experience. I knew there were some unresolved issues between us--a misunderstanding, really--that I could use to my advantage, to "tweak" her emotionally and put her in a raw state that would allow her emotions to come to the surface easily. Even as I was planning the scene, I contacted Erica in advance to let her know I intended on using that misunderstanding to my advantage and whatever I said to her during the scene should not be taken personally. I wanted to make sure she was okay with it and she was. The scene was one of our most intense. But like I said, I never would have introduced that mind fuck without consulting with her first.
But so many are manipulative, using mind games to try to take advantage of others, to not only mind fuck them, but to fuck with them in general, usually for their own selfish gain.
Be careful when you deal with individuals in the lifestyle. What often appears nice and friendly, or serious and toppy, could often be nothing more than an individual who's motives are less than genuine. A good top looks out for his/her bottom. Protects them. And when there's energy or chemistry there, it's something to be cherished, not manipulated or twisted for some petty mind game. Chances are, a strong, intelligent person will see right through it for it really is: nothing more than mental manipulation.