Sunday, February 21, 2010
A Bit of the Ole' Q&A
I have been communicating with Bratty-lil-girl, a regular commenter on my blog and a nice young lady I got to meet (along with her husband) at FMS' Back-to-School Party back in November. With SSNY's Atlantic City Party coming up in April, I thought I'd start a dialog to see if we might be compatible to play there.
I was pleasantly surprised when she sent me a list of questions to respond to, not as a quiz or an inquisition, but just to spur on the discussion. I thought they were good questions and I felt my answers might be of interest to some of you. (Please note to "long-time" readers, a lot of this has been covered in multiple posts in the past, so if you're bored, I understand.)
What do I like in a play partner? Hmm. I have to have a personal connection with a play partner. There has to be a chemistry, otherwise it may be fun but not really deep, if that makes sense. I don't care about what she looks like, age, body type. If there's a connection/an attraction of some sort that's important. There needs to be mutual respect, communication and trust. Without those three things I don't believe a true lifestyle relationship can happen. As you know I'm not into D/s or protocol or any of that, so I'm really an open book: respect, communication and trust. I don't take what I do lightly. I deeply appreciate the trust a woman puts into my hands.
Do I like audible feedback? Yes, yes and yes. But not necessarily. HUH? I play with a girl who's very silent during the scene, which is fine as long as when I check in with her I get feedback. To go into herself, to achieve subspace, she gets silent, but I need to know she's okay when I check in. That same girl used to give no feedback at all, which I struggled with greatly, as I need to know during the scene that what I'm doing is working, that I'm not overdoing something or creating the wrong kind of pain. But I "read" a woman through sounds, body movement and breathing. That's a lot of feedback if the top is paying attention.
Am I a talker or silent concentrator? It depends on the scene, completely. There have been light and fun scenes I've done in which both top and bottom are bantering back and forth, being sarcastic, even laughing throughout. Erica and I do this often, particularly when there's an audience and we "put on a show." Some scenes, for the bottom, need to be dark and intense. In those cases, I don't speak much, but use words for the mindfuck, talking into the ear of the bottom in dark, almost whispered threatening tones. Some scenes require a sort of "sensory depravation" in which there's blindfolds and even ear plus (not for me!) and I'll not say much at us. Regardless though, I always check in on the woman to make sure she's okay, getting what she needs.
What's my ideal scene? I'm very up front with people: I'm a textbook sadist. Look it up. I derive sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on others. That being said, that level of pleasure is based on so many things: connection with the bottom being most important. It doesn't have to be intense, that connection just needs to be made at an almost psychic level. I really love messing with the mind of the woman. Not in terms of psychology, but in terms of "short circuiting" the mind--going from sensation play (something soft) to something pokey or impact, often at the same time. This sounds like a crock of shit, but my ideal scene is one in which I deliver exactly what the bottom needs and more. I get off on pleasing my bottom, which I know sounds awfully subby. I'm highly empathetic, and truly believe that play can be therapeutic and often the bottom is in need of achieving something psychologically out of the scene and I want to "take her there." When that's done, I feel very successful and rewarded. That's ideal.
What are my favorite things? I have favorite toys, certainly, in almost every category. I have two favorite canes--one is made of carbon fibre, is unbreakable and super-thin--it's incredibly stingy. I have two favorite floggers--one is heavy and made of moose. I have a favorite paddle--it's as thick as plywood and almost as stiff but is made of sandwiched leather. Incredible. I love sensation play, as I've said. But what I like the most is fire & wax play. That's why my screenname is showman451. Fire play is a total show. Paper spontaneously combusts at 451 degrees (think Bradbury). Thus, "showman451".
Well, there you have it. I read this to myself and worry it sounds like an advertisement. That wasn't my intent. I thought perhaps those of you interested in getting to know me better or understand my motivation to play would like some of these answers. That being said, if you read this and you want to play, operators are standing by to take your call...