Sunday, March 21, 2010

Go Fuck Yourself

Anyone who reads my blog knows I'm just about as straight-up about what I think and feel as you can get. I'm not saying I'm doing any heroic, I'm just saying I'm willing to put it out there to be honest. Whether it's explaining in detail a scene or my opinion about something in the lifestyle, I call it pretty much as I see it. My most recent post, about Erica Scott's decision to stop going to the dungeon where we play, thus eliminating my ability to experience this special relationship, was probably my most open blog entry in the nine months since I started it.

Most people just read my blog. Some comment. Almost never do I get an email. Until a few days after my last post. Here's an excerpt:

Boo hoo hoo oh, my spanking model is gone! Oh wo is me. Listen to you whine! What a pussy! you need to grow a set of balls, wake up and move on and never EVER write shit like that again. You are a TOP not some kind of chick. You write like a chick act like a chick and sound like a chick. She's hot but not to cry over in public. noone wants to hear it particularly the ladies. They wont play with you if you act like a complet pussy!


First of all, NOT original. I said in my own blog post I was self-aware that I might be doing all those things: whining, being a pussy, acting in a manner unbecoming to a top, perhaps even alienating you ladies interested in playing with me.


I have two things to say: 1.) To the anonymous author of that email I excerpted above--see the title of this particular post. 2.) What do you regular readers think? I noticed a significant lack of comments after that blog post. Your silence was curious to me. Should I shutthefuckup?


  1. Craig,

    What a jerk that writer was! What was written was entirely inappropriate. This is your blog, you write what you want. If Gentle Reader didn't like it, there was no need for an attack like that.

    Mea culpa - I didn't comment on the last post because I really didn't know what to say. It's a shame you two can't play together any more at the Lair, but I would hope your friendship is still intact. I am really quite ignorant about ploaces like the Lair, but suspect I wouldn't be comfortable there either.

    I'm still following your blog, and as I have said before, I like hearing a Top's point of view.


  2. I just read the past two posts. First,let me say how sorry I am that you and Erika have to end your relationship at the Lair. I do understand her position but also understand your sadness. Second, just because you expressed honest feelings in no way makes you less of a Dom/Top in my mind. You are a human, not a robot and frankly, a guy that can't express honest feelings, to me, is less male and less attractive than one who can be honest about his feelings. It seems there are always some out there that want to define how to be a Top or a Dom. GRR Third, you were fat? NO WAY! You look awesome and I can't imagine you overweight. Ok, back to the gym for me.


  3. Hi Craig,

    I hope you continue to say whatever is on your mind. I'm also sad that you and Erica won't be able to play as often because I loved reading about your amazing scenes from both perspectives.

    I'm not a regular commenter on blogs and I'll never be as comfortable putting myself out there on-line as you and Erica, but I hope I'm brave enough to ask you to play at the boardwalk next month.


  4. Hermione:

    Thanks so much! I appreciate your words of support. I understand why you didn't comment before. Erica suggested that was the reason. Of course we are still very good friends. Like I said, this isn't like we're not talking and won't ever play again.


  5. Sass:

    Yes, I was very overweight. I can show you photos in Atlantic City, but I'd prefer you to know me as I am now.

    I really appreciate your support as well.


  6. Jessica:

    Thanks for reaching out beyond your comfort zone to comment. That means a lot to me. Please introduce yourself at SSNY Atlantic City. Don't look for the guy that looks like Orson Welles (my profile photo), you won't find me. You can always email me and I'll send you a real photo. Click "VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE" to get my email address.


  7. Oh... this post makes me SO DAMN MAD!!! This type of person represents everything that's wrong with the scene, not to mention humanity what's wrong with humanity.

    To everyone -- please know that Craig and I will continue to be great friends and continue to play... just not at the Lair. Wanted to make sure that was crystal clear. I'd be a complete idiot to give up such a good top and friend.

    And as for what you express on your blog, Craig, as others have said, it's YOUR damn blog and you're allowed to say what you please. Whoever this wanker is needs to get a life and keep his/her nose out of yours. What a nasty thing to write, and how untrue.

    If being sensitive and compassionate makes someone a pussy and a "chick," then bring on the pussies and the chicks. If I wanted macho jerks without any feelings or heart, I'd stay at the freaking Lair.

    Arrrrgggh. Sorry to go on and on, but this really pissed me off! First I have that S.O.B. harassing me on MySpace, and now you have this. What's WRONG with people??

    Deep breaths... rant winding down... -- Erica

  8. Dammit... I was so mad, I screwed up and wrote part of the first paragraph twice. -- Erica again, still spitting mad

  9. Fuck that guy! Who the fuck does he think he is to send such a hateful message about an awesome post on a PERSONAL blog? What a self righteous douche bag.

    As it has been said, this is your personal space where you share all things you, not a non-partisan corporate sponsored spanking news source scripted for entertainment. It makes your blog more realistic as a picture of your thoughts when you put it all out there.

    Like hermione said, it took me forever to reply because it was such a deeply personal post. It's hard to comment on someone's emotional bummers. It's like watching a private moment through the window, I'm not about to start banging on the glass to give my two cents.

    I really appreciate you sharing everything you post. Even when I don't comment I am reading and enjoying, so please pay him no more heed and continue as you were!

    Anonymous hate writer, go fuck yourself!

    HUGS and high 5 to you Craig...

  10. Thanks, Erica! :-)

    Always can count on you for a muted and subtle opinion!

    I knew if I just posted his poisonous communique (I didn't even post the whole thing!) I'd feel better, and the outpouring of support from you lovely ladies has been an unexpectedly cathartic addition to that.



  11. Thank you, Sarah.

    Your vitriol and support are much appreciated! Oh, AND your candor! (Do you kiss your mother with that mouth??? Perhaps a spanking will teach you some MANNERS!) In this case, kidding. I really appreciate your bad mouth!


  12. Like everyone else here, I wasn't sure how to publicly comment on your last post, but it had nothing at all to do with thinking less of you for posting your real feelings. I guess because I was actually there when Erica dragged you off and know you both, I know for a fact that for you it is not a matter of having a "spanking model" to play with but instead a friend with whom you share a very real connection. Don't let the vitriol spewed by one anonymous and hateful commenter who was so ashamed by his own words that he wouldn't attach a name to them affect how or what you post. For what it's worth, I think you are a compassionate friend and an amazing Top.

  13. Thanks, Jada.

    That's one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. You're too kind.


  14. Craig,
    I've been in this (to coin a phrase) "lifestyle" (BDSM) for over 25 yrs. Mostly with my two long term partners (in a D/s - from both sides). Ten years as a sub (my core persona), 15 yrs I was a "Service Top" (long story how that came about - but not for here).. and then throw in a few short relationships the last 3 yrs (as a bottom)

    One of the prerequisites with me, (be it relationship or 'play').. is that the Top MUST BE a loving, caring, giving individual. One that not only shares his expertise and time, but also his mind and heart as well.

    You are all that and then some from all I've been able to surmise from reading both Erica's blog and yours this short time I've had the opportunity to do so.

    You can be blessed with all the technique in the world and be touted by many far and wide as the best there is .. but without truly caring about a person as a 'whole being', and having the ability to show 'compassion'.. then that Top's talent means jack to me.

    I just thank god there are men like you still around.. it gives me hope. (smiles)

    ((hugs)) ~zelle

  15. Zelle:

    You are very sweet and kind. VERY sweet and kind. That was very thoughtful of you. I really appreciate you taking the time to write.



  16. Hi Craig,

    I agree with everyone else about the emotionally stunted and narrow-minded person who sent that anonymous e-mail. It's hard to imagine why anyone would even have that reaction, much less be so base as to e-mail you about it. It really boggles the imagination that he has nothing better to do than to be hateful to someone he doesn't even know. Styles differ, but we call all strive to be decent.

    I think it is true that deeply personal posts get fewer comments relative to their impact on readers than do more light-hearted ones. Sometimes in life, we just need people to listen to us, and comments or unsolicited advice aren't the best response. Unfortunately, silent nods at the computer screen are a poor replacement for buying a friend a beer (or a Dark & Stormy) or a friendly invitation for coffee.


  17. Thanks, Indy!

    I certainly do appreciate your feedback. And I understand what you all mean about the deeply personal emails thing. So often you look at those and say, "What do I say??? What can I add???" I get it.

    Take care,


  18. Dear Craig, I am catching up on your blogs and just saw this update. I wonder what motivates this type of response -- jealousy? Perhaps there's a lack of understanding that "models" are just regular people, some of whom happen to dive into life more extremely and go for what they want (Erica grabbing your hand as evidence of that).

    So when someone sees someone else playing with a model, maybe he imagines it can't possibly mean anything and has no emotional component? OR, he thinks that the ONLY reason you were playing with Erica was that she was sexy?

    I agree with what several others said here. A top -- a dominant -- has to be caring and sensitive no matter how mean and nasty he gets during a scene.

  19. It's funny, Sandy, I never read that bit about the "model" in the letter. I read more about the pussy part. Interesting perspective.