Thursday, May 27, 2010

An Open Letter to Brats

I'm long overdue for a blog entry, so before I get going with my pre-party discussions, I thought I'd send this along to my many friends in the spanko community insistent on bratting me online.

Dear Brats:

Before we meet in Tampa, let me remind you of a few things about me:
  1. I hate bratting. I don't hate intelligent arguments, the egging-on of individuals, a good bit of passive/aggressive behavior in the name of fun, but I hate bratting. "What's the difference?" you whine, stamping a foot down like Clever Hans. The difference is very clear to me. Bratting is this whiny, childlike annoyance. I don't think it's very becoming on grown women. Further, I have had four children, now mostly grown up. Over the last 23 years I've heard plenty of whining. I don't want to pay to fly across the country to be with a bunch of adults to hear more childish, lip-pouting Peewee Herman screeches. Does that make me a bad person?
  2. As stated above, I love good mental sparring, witty repartee and some good old fashioned verbal abuse, all in the name of a fun scene. Which is different than bratting. Make a mental note.
  3. Bratting is not foreplay to a scene. Bratting is foreplay to scenekill.
  4. If you're not sure the difference between bratting and mental sparring, intelligent arguments, etc., see #3 above.
  5. There's a HUGE difference (in my mind) between what goes on via ASCII and what comes screeching out of mouths in person. To me, most of that egging-on online is great, just so long as I can't hear it.
If you're into what I'm into, we'll have a great time. I received a very nice email from someone coming to FMS who said she'd read my activity recently on FetLife. She stated my sternness and consternation was really getting all up in her headspace. That's great. I'll get verbally toppy any day of the week.

If anyone doesn't understand the difference here, just email me. I'll fill you in.


  1. Craig, you said it perfectly! I couldn't agree more.

  2. Great post Craig!
    I never did understand 'bratting' in the scene, because, to me, kids did that, not grown adults engaging in a kink that (literally) tickles them pink! (well, maybe 'tickles' was a poor choice of words - haha!)

    The way I see it is like this..
    Brats play checkers.. while I like to 'mentally engage' with chess..

  3. All jokes aside -- the abovementioned behavior is what gives brats a bad name. I say on FetLife that I'm into clever bratting, and that the art should be employed like the tickle of a feather, not the slamming of an anvil on one's foot.

    Be glad you weren't at the SL party from a few years ago, when some damn fool brought Silly String and sprayed everyone who came near her.

    A good brat makes tops laugh, as opposed to wanting to throttle her.

  4. G & Zelle:

    Thanks for the support. I was truly on the fence about posting this. I genuinely didn't want to offend anyone.

    Chess anyone?


  5. Erica: Now do you know what Clever Hans is???

  6. Being a horse person.. in particular, a horse person who has read some (questionable) history regarding the Orlov Trotter (the breed of Clever Hans) - well, that breed was supposedly being used to help bring back from near extinction, a breed called the "Friesian" from the NL's (which is my specialty) - well, it made me chuckle to see you use "Clever Hans" in an analogy.


  7. I hate bratting. Absolutely hate it. It's annoying, and rude, and just downright obnoxious. When I was little being called a brat was a really horrible thing. Until I was older, being called a brat was quite possibly the worst thing you could be called.

    When I see girls bratting around me, I am embarrassed for them. There is a thick heavy line between bratting and witty banter. It's not an "oops" sort of thing. It's one, or the other.

    Anyway, that's my 2c.

  8. I am going to have to go with Erica on this one...

    Craig...don't consider it being offensive but you have inspired some discussion. I do disagree with your definition of bratting as whiny, annoying, screeching pouty foot stomping.

    I proudly consider myself a brat, but like everything else it takes a little common sense and a little tact. I consider it an art form and always grade the presentation by the audience. I don't ever consider sharpies and squirt guns appropriate, I am not a name caller, and I suppose my usual expression is witty banter, but to me it's all bratting.

    Bratting is what I do to ease the pre-spanking awkwardness and jitters; it's the segue into what will be guaranteed to follow. I think since I'm not really into traditional planned role play, it's my way of giving the spanker a reason without having an our discussion of our scene and where we should take it. I like to let things develop.

    That said, I tend not to engage those I wouldn't want to play with to avoid any confusion, and not every situation needs the feel of a sparring match, but it's just fun god damn it!! I do agree that there is a difference between online and in person, but I am pretty much the same person in the flesh or behind the keys.

    It is my biggest fear socially to be considered one of those relentless, obnoxious, annoying types but I like to think I stay relatively tame and engaging as opposed to inflammatory and unyielding.

    "A good brat makes tops laugh, as opposed to wanting to throttle her. "

    I couldn't agree more Erica!


  9. I think Sarah .. has some very valid points. And her repartee is far from one that I'd consider a whiny, annoying, foot stompin', squirt gun wielding, silly string casting, sharpy slashing, spit ball tossing type!

    There are pain in the ass brats that I see behaving like spoiled little children, and there are brats that.. well, like Sarah says.. NEED to EASE the pre-spanking awkwardness and jitters.

    It's like a dance.. and there are required steps you know you .. as a spankee... need to follow to help you present your best dance in front of the spanker and possibly others watching. We all get the jitters, just before walking onto the dance floor .. and we do things that whether out of routine, or done in a subliminal manner, that settle our nerves.

    It doesn't involve ruffling up the hair on some top, or buffing a bald head, or pinching them on the butt and taking off, or putting silly things in their coffee. When you are engaging in banter .. it means you have to breath.. and that helps get oxygen to the brain, and helps you take shaky speech patterns and smooth them out to feel that "calm and resolve you need", before the storm!

    The banter we engage in.. is not so much giving the spanker a reason.. we already know why he is there, .. his reason is he gives spankings, and our reason to be there is.. we take them. There's a mutual understanding and a consent to the inevitable. But for our own psychological piece of mind... we all have our own little varied gifts of banter.. that help us to alleviate stress and to actually give ourselves our own 'okay' (permission) to be in the position you're about to be in. Perhaps we could call it "resignation banter"? Because we are verbally resigned/resigning to the fact that we need spanked.

  10. Marie:

    Thanks for your support! I appreciate your comments.


  11. Sarah:

    I understand what you're saying and i think the only difference here is what you call what you do and what I call what I dislike. Occasionally your bratting, in person, can slip into that territory, but by and large, your intellect and outgoingness win out, if you don't mind me saying so.


  12. Zelle:

    I prefer sit-down, let's-talk, open communication--even if it's via email online--as a means of getting to know someone rather than a chase around the hotel room before a good OTK.


  13. ??? .. "Tops will chase someone around a hotel room?" ... I can't imagine that being a good idea to do AT ALL!

  14. A little chase can be hot on video, though. :-D

  15. rofl.. You're such a character Erica..(snort!) LOL.. but I must say.. you DO have the legs and bottom to give that stunt the old college try.

  16. If you like those kinds of videos, Erica...

  17. Does she not want to answer for herself for fear or recrimination? LOL..

  18. All right, you two! :-) Yes, I did a chase scene in a video. But to be perfectly honest, I was thinking about the scene in Shadow Lane's Spoiled Rotten where Keith Jones chased Tanya Foxx around a pool table, and then strapped her over it. That was hot hot hot!

  19. I can't chase nor strap anyone near my pool table--the kids might wonder what the hell is going on!

  20. I got a pool table... ;-)

    .. and as you can see.. no kids. haha!

  21. I like a friendly game of billards.. even when I lose - I still win. (heehee)

  22. I wrote my original comment and then lost it, and typed that one up. I don't want to just sit here and nod and agree, but well...I just happen to agree with you Craig lol.

    As for the Fetlife threads - I stay as far from them as I would the plague. "Bratting = consent" is far too common amongst the internet tops and the last thing I need is a grown man throwing a hissy fit when I tell him to bugger off for trying to "take me in hand"

    Bratting screams childish and annoying. If it's witty banter, don't call it bratting. The definition of brat is not in line with what some use it for. For instance, Erica, I don't think you're a brat. I think you're smart and clever and witty. You know where that thick line is. So I don't get why people use the term brat when in my mind, brat is such a negative association in most every other situation/community.

    More of my 2c :P

  23. Thanks for sharing, Marie. I agree with your observations.