Sunday, July 4, 2010
I'm working on a theme here over the last few posts. "Involuntary Friendships" started that theme, which then led into the second entry "NRE." Lizzie was prescient enough to share the book "Opening Up" (link to Amazon in NME post), a book about all kinds of nontraditional relationship structures, what most people consider swinging or polyamorous relationships.
I was a bit started to read that some of these relationships could be deep and complex (in a good way) and not involve sex. "Oh," I thought, "Friendships." But, no. Well, yes and no. It's complicated. There's all sorts of things that come into play, particularly in BDSM (see also: spanko) relationships--at least the non-fleeting party-based throw-yourself-across-a-lap kind of things--where deeper feelings come into play. Perhaps love. But I'd like to say, simply, "intimate emotions." I've read for years and heard from friends about "emotional cheating." Really? Is that like where it says in the Bible that thinking a sin is just as bad as doing it? Well, fuck me! I was set to go to hell a long, long time ago, I guess.
All my life I've connected better with women than men. Some of my best friends over the years have been women. I have deep emotional attachments to those people. Is that emotional cheating? Or does that only occur when one has lustful thoughts or thoughts you're only supposed to have for your spouse? I can't keep track. And on top of that, it doesn't make sense to my worldview.
Since playing publicly I've made some rather intense personal connections with a few choice women, people I care deeply about and whom I would drop everything to help if the need arose. Best friends? Or is that a "relationship"? And what if it is a relationship? According to "Opening Up" a form of nonmonogamous relationship is one in which you can have deeply personal, incredibly intense emotional relationships with people that don't necessarily involve sex (whatever your personal definition of "sex" might be). I found that fascinating.
In my last blog I asked for some thoughts on the subject I was writing about and was a bit frustrated it didn't elicit a more open discussion. (Perhaps I should be cross-posting these topics on FetLife where they'll get more traffic.) So I'll ask: what do you think? Do you believe these relationships are nonmonogamous?