Wednesday, August 4, 2010


A recurring theme in some of my blogs has involved the idea of symbiosis. This isn't just the obvious: top/bottom, dom/sub, hand/butt. It's something substantially deeper and more resonant than that and it's something I certainly wish everyone in the lifestyle would have an opportunity to experience, but I'm not sure they do.

I've been very fortunate to make a few really intense, really rewarding connections in the lifestyle. I've blogged before about NRE and Nonmonogomous Relationships. The symbiosis I've experienced has been a truly amazing one.

Friendships offer their own form of symbiosis: camaraderie, entertainment, conversation, shared hobbies and experiences. Each friend should (more or less) get and give equally to the relationship. These lifestyle relationships include friendship, but there's more--and I know this is also a theme for me: emotional intensity, emotional intimacy, a real honestly and "nakedness" in terms of connection.

Of course, beating someone until they're utterly "exposed" is a big part of it, but being able to communicate, share and experience is an honesty and openness that is often rarely experienced in many longterm vanilla marriages.

I'm thankful of my intense symbiotic relationships and for the wonderful, more casual ones as well.

What are your experiences?


  1. 'Symbiosis' seems like it could walk hand in hand with 'Limerence'.

    I was just listening to The Beatles "I Want To Hold Your Hand" ... and Craig, this song is dedicated to you. I truly understand, no really, seriously I do,
    even though you are using big words like symbiosis.

    Now, Craig,... I'm married, like you, for a long a$$ time, and know friends outside a marriage can be tricky. So I tend to label them "really cool friends" to keep myself in check.

    [So, if she/he isn't my primary partner, and I feel something DEEP, then what the heck do I call them? "Cool" kinda sums it up for me.]

    I believe I had one of these experiences with Vas. It is now over but during that time... WOWWEE ZING!

  2. That's great, Connie. Very cool. Some of these things are easier to explain than others. Since the English language has no real terminology or labels for these "extended relationships" we all seem to find ourselves in at one time or another (as opposed to poly or leather families or whatever) I keep taking stabs at it to see if anything sticks.


  3. I guess my term of choice is connection. I have played with many, but truly connected with few.

    When I find myself not just wanting to play with someone, but eager to know who they are, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, and I can just as soon see myself hanging out with them over coffee as much as over their lap, then I know something has been forged.

    We get to know each other backwards in this scene -- physical intimacy first and then familiarity and closeness later, if at all. When I've progressed beyond the physical, I know I have something. This person has touched me in ways other than the palm of his hand.

  4. Erica:

    Your comments are greatly appreciated. Full of wisdom and insight. Except when you're bratting. And then they're not.