- Will someone play with me?
- Am I attractive enough?
- What if I'm "scorned"?
- What if no one likes me?
- What if I do something wrong? Smell bad? Perform poorly? Wrap? Fart?
- Etc., etc., etc.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Those Dreaded HSEs
High School Emotions, that is. The insecurities, dramas and worries we thought we left behind with zits and braces.
Erica Scott and I find this topic so interesting (especially since it turns up regularly in the spanking scene, as it does with pretty much any group of humans) that we're writing parallel blogs on it: her female view and my male view. See hers over at http://blogs.myspace.com/elsps
So what is it about these high school emotions? Where do they come from? What's it all about? It's weird. We "grow up." We "stabilize" into some semblance of normal adulthood. And then, whenever it happens in our lives, we find ourselves in the lifestyle, exploring our kink. And when we do, we're putting ourselves out there--emotionally, mentally, and, for some, spiritually (whatever that may mean to you).
We ask ourselves questions before we publicly play:
Many of those questions we never ask ourselves in adulthood. Particularly if you're married or in a stable relationship, those are things we don't worry much about. And if we do, it's typically at a different level of anxiety. Sure, at spanko parties we're all amongst friends, so to speak, but there's that girl you've always wanted to play with, there's that guy you've wanted to OTK with...whatever.
And that's where the HSEs come in.
Sure, there's drama in life and there are those who thrive off it. But there seems to be an inordinate amount of it at play parties. Tears, anger, frustration, isolation, ostracization (is that a word?--my spellcheck says no). We open ourselves to so many of these things, plus sheer exhaustion, physical duress (in one form or another), sleep deprivation--it's no wonder.
And look, I'm not pointing fingers. I do it too. I have my moments. I sat in a hotel room with two of my dear friends, lying on their bed and wondering aloud what the hell I was doing at this particular party. I've had Erica give me pep talks like a high school football team coach before the big rivalry game ("Craig, just walk into the party like you own it! C'mon! You'll do great!"). I've blogged about my own post-party drop. It just is.
Now, I'm certain not everyone experiences these feelings. But damn, once you recognize it, you see not only in yourself, but all around you. And that's okay. Because at a play party, we're all in high school in the gym at the Winter Wonderfest Dance waiting to be asked or building up the nerve to ask...