Saturday, November 27, 2010

Emotional Armor

Some people, in their vanilla lives or in the lifestyle--it doesn't matter, come at life wearing emotional armor. Whether with friends or in play they approach these people and experiences with a standoffish approach. Perhaps they had a rug pulled out from under them at some point. Likely they did, otherwise why take this untrusting approach?

Some people play for the sake of play. Don't get me wrong, that's fun. But I look for an emotional connection of some kind. I think it adds to the dynamic, the energy of the scene. Further, I work my ass off on the job and focus on my family, so to be perfectly honest, I don't really have any friends outside of work--I just don't have time!--so the bonus of being in the lifestyle I've discovered (and talked about in the past) is that I've made some wonderful friends and established some great relationships.

But there are those who believe that the only way to play is to be impartial, detached, removed. (My hunch is these folks are more in the BDSM scene than the spanko, but my observations could very well be incorrect on that point.) They feel that to "protect themselves" from putting themselves in a position of emotional vulnerability they need to wear this armor to avoid those connections.

To each their own. But to me, no armor. Bring on the connections, the dynamic. I amemotionally vulnerable. Eyes wide open. I'm aware it can could put me in a position of beingtoo open. But I prefer it to a stoic and unemotional detachment.


  1. I love this post. For me, I can play with "casual" friends and enjoy it but the time spent with someone that I've connected with on an emotional level, have developed trust and have let myself be vulnerable with are the times that get replayed over and over in my mind. It allows me to let go of control, to trust even if nervous or scared, to know, deep down that even if the top/dom hurts me that they won't really hurt me. I love the sense of care that I get from that kind of exchange. yummmm....!


  2. Interesting topic.

    Allow me to be offer another perspective,...
    as I'm---one of those---who walk around with walls up (BDSM has nothing to do with it).

    Emotional Armor serves a purpose,... a valuable component of survival (for me). Not everyone can be trusted to be a soft shoulder to lean on, nor can I offer to be a soft shoulder to lean on because we (general we) could really screw people up with our own personal emotional intelligence.

    Now, to whittle this all down to playing with another, for that moment in time,... to remove SOME emotional armor so ~magic~ can happen,... I can see that happening cuz it's delish.

    I suppose I see "emotional armor" as layers upon layers, a lifetime of growth and an important component for survival.

    Does that make me a hard nut to crack? Depends on the nutcracker.

  3. Hey, Sass!

    Great to hear from you on the blog! I appreciate your comments. The depth a scene can go to when you're emotionally connected can be quite delicious.


  4. I appreciate your perspective, Connie. Thanks for sharing. Would it surprise you if I told you I was not surprised by your comments? Everyone is different. I just like my scenes more when there's that added OOMPH of dynamic.


  5. ... is why I felt comfortable expressing my perspective here. I knew you'd understand.

    Thanks. :)

  6. You know I agree with you. I don't spend a lot of time with people, being a loner, so I want the time I DO spend to be quality, with people I value and with whom I feel connected. And that goes for play, or just hanging out.

    Granted, the potential for hurt and pain deepens when you open up. But so does the potential for joy.

  7. Thanks for your perspective, Erica. Your words are most appreciated.