Sunday, January 23, 2011


I've often talked about the importance of a good connection with the person you're playing with in order to create a great scene. The dynamic between players is one thing, but a genuine rapport, energy, mutual respect and real physical attraction are all key in this connection in which I speak. When it happens, it's amazing and that dynamic parlays itself into the scene to create something truly incredible.

A few things happened this last week that brought all this top of mind: In talking with a friend in the scene recently I discovered that many out there don't ever have these kinds of connections. These are people that play publicly, spankos and BDSMers alike, who have play partners or regular people they play with, but they never really achieve that kind of connection. That makes me sad (unless they don't want it for whatever reason). Sure, casual play is fun and rewarding in its own way--I love that about the Shadow Lane, Tropical Beach and Boardwalk Badness parties. It's a way to meet new people, have fun. But what is truly rewarding are those relationships that are built around the attributes I've described above.

Another thing that happened this week was I was in touch with two friends--people I have a genuine relationship with--that special connection. One lives far away and we only get to see each other at parties. The other lives in California and I get to play with her on a semi-regular basis. Both are caring, wonderful people. The former texted me midday to say hi, act silly and tell me she cares about me. So random and unexpected and...well...rewarding. The other chatted with me about the importance of that genuine connection--not just in terms of scene play, but just in terms of a real, genuine friendship.

And I was reminded how lucky I am to have them both in my life.

I am fortunate to have forged some really cool friendships--some play related and some not, develop some wonderful relationships, and forge some truly meaningful, deep bonds that I would never trade for anything in the world.

Thank you. You know who you are.


  1. I think you're coming down with a case of "limerence" There is no cure.


  2. For me, playing with someone who I don't share that special connection with can still be fun but that scene can't compared with one where I'm playing with someone with whom that connection exists. It's a completely different level of play, and I think it's wonderful. ;) Plus, it's nice to have that genuine friendship outside of the scene because I'd like to think that we're real people outside of our kink.

  3. Beth: I love that: "Real people outside of our kink."

    That will be a topic for my next blog entry! Thanks!