Sunday, January 30, 2011

In Pursuit of Pain

In talking with my play pal Beth recently about an upcoming scene we're planning in a few weeks, we got onto a discussion about being pushed in a scene--trying to beyond the comfort zone (which, in the grand scheme of our kink is a bit of an oxymoron, eh?). After a few minutes of back and forth she said to me, "I'm scared." I replied, "Good."

But it got me thinking--what a crazy dichotomy all this is. A bottom wants the pain, but a part of him/her doesn't. They want to be pushed, but a part of them screams out, "Are you nuts? It's gonna fucking hurt!" And as a sadist with no predilection for pain (I'm a wuss!) I find this all very curious.

So what say you? Do you embrace your pain? Do you fear it even though you need/crave it? When you shoot to go farther in a scene, what does that do to your headspace? How do you grab it and take it? And what's it do to your head, mindfuckery and all?

I'm utterly fascinated by what goes on inside each of us when we play and do these weird things we're doing. Those of you who know me know I ask a lot of questions at times, trying to understand. Your answers can help illuminate this further, I hope.


  1. I tend to think a part of it is the idea we're not supposed to want the pain. It mixes the "mindfuckery" around a bit. I'm not exactly experienced, though, so merely a minor observation. ;D

  2. This is kind of a Catch-22... I like it when it hurts but... it HURTS! Maybe this is just me, but it's not uncommon for me to think at some pint in a scene, "Why in the H am I doing this? What was I thinking???" Humans beings are innately programmed to avoid pain, which is why a person reflexively jerks his/her hand away after touching something hot. So, what we do is kinda against nature, if you think about it.

    I do fear the pain but if it's the right kind -- I can't explain it -- but I want to feel it. If it didn't hurt, I'm pretty sure I'd be disappointed.

  3. Thanks for your comments, A'marie.

  4. Hiya, Beth!

    I appreciate your comments--you've said so much better what I was trying to capture in my post. What you're saying is the greatest conundrum I know.

    Does this also explain why you keep PUTTING YOUR DAMN HANDS BACK THERE when I'm trying to smack you with a paddle???



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  6. PLAIN and simple: self-preservation. (Can you really fault a girl for that?)

    AND, you and I both know, that you know, that paddle is MEAN!

    (I had to fix the mistake in my previous comment. It was bothering me.)

  7. Headspace is kind of a misnomer, I sometimes think. I'm usually all caught up in my head, thinking, thinking... EXCEPT when I'm deeply into a scene, and then all I do is feel. It's purely visceral and emotional, out of my brain and into my heart, my gut, my nerve endings.

    Normally, I dread and detest pain. So it's quite bizarre indeed that somewhere along the line in a scene, a switch flips and I embrace the pain, immerse myself in it, and it blurs into pleasure. I can't explain. I have a feeling that if I could, I'd make a fortune!

  8. Well said, Erica! My favorite part of a scene is when I can put all my thoughts aside and simply FEEL. It takes pain to get me there, sometimes rather a great deal of it, which in turn requires a high level of trust in my top.

    There are other sorts of pain that I enjoy, though – swimming and other forms of exercise can bring that same relief from thought and getting waxed does the same.

    When I get nervous about a scene, I think it is less about fear of pain and more a result of the problem that sent me seeking the pain in the first place – I think too much! I might worry that a scene I’ve planned out will be too physically challenging (what if I can’t stretch like that? Or hold that position?). I might worry that the top won’t have enough endurance to get where I want to go, or might have to stop too soon for some other reason (broken toys or bleeding). Or I might worry that the place I want to go will push me too far in a purely physical way (unexpected injuries). I could go on in this vein, but the exact nature of my thoughts depends on the scene, the top, and so many other variables.

    But when it comes to the pain of a scene, I want it, I crave it, and I need it. Sometimes I even manage to ask for it.

  9. Understanding that bit and explaining it, Erica. That's all I'm looking for! ;-)

  10. Thanks for the thoughts, Lizzie. I appreciate you taking the time to voice them.

  11. I've enjoyed reading this post & the comments-- thanks all! I think LIzzie's description is closest to the way it works for me, except I'm not the pain slut she is! :-p. For me, it's very much like getting a good runner's high. It's a little uncomfortable to start out with, but then, after a while, it's not that it's not uncomfortable, but you don't mind the pain as much. That's the way I usually like to play.

    But that doesn't get the fear going, and the fear is also intoxicating and arousing. Which also blunts the pain...

    The times I find spanking the most painful are actually just-for-fun spankings that don't involve a long warm-up. They're fun, but without as many good hormones to make the pain seem less intense.

  12. Thanks for your thoughtful insights, Indy! I appreciate you taking the time to share your observations and feelings.

  13. From Annapurna

    I may be too late for this topic, but I’ll post anyway.

    I’m not much into warm ups so the pain hits with a storm’s fury. I instantly find myself in the eye of emotional turbulence, thrashing vulnerability, the thud of the implement, a searing sting, and unabashed eroticism, which moves from my lower spine to the base of my head flooding my mind’s eye with undulating blackness. My pain rises and falls in unpredictable ways as the unseen hand keeps me at the brink of my limits, preventing me from total emotional disintegration into nothingness.

  14. Wow, Annapurna!

    That's a hell of a bit of writing unto itself! It's like a kinky poem! Do you mind if I copy this and share it as a post?

  15. From Annapurna

    @Craig Aych,

    I'm glad you liked it.

    Yes, by all means. I share freely. I have much more where that came from.