Sunday, March 20, 2011

Random Tidbit: Fortune Cookies for your C***

News Flash!

Randomly, I heard from Lizzie today that tampons now have inspirational messages on them! 

"Keep a Clear Head" 

is one. 

"Neither one of us are giver uppers" 

is another. (Not sure what that means and it makes me wonder, is the tampon speaking to the user? Like, they're having a conversation? Are friends?) 

So they're like fortune cookies for your, um, privates. Well, not mine, but yours, if you have a period.

Does it come with an almond cookie?

Like all fortunes in fortune cookies, adding "in bed" to them (as suggested by Jada) could be an option, right?  Keep a clear head in bed.  Neither one of us are giver uppers in bed. That seems to work. Particularly for tampons. I think.

The big question is this (drum roll please...): If you use one of these new inspirational message tampons will you be hankering for another an hour later?


  1. Actually, the first message said "Don't lose your head," which might have been good advice half an hour earlier, when I found myself without the necessarily supplies...but with the *inspirational* message bearing item in hand, there was far less risk.

  2. I always find it intriguing when inspirational messages are actually commands. Do the people who make tampons really think they're in a position to command me to do something? ...really? (I feel the same about the "promises" inside the wrappers of Dove chocolate.)

  3. I don't know about those promises, not being a Dove eater and all. What do they say?

    The most confusing fortune cookie fortunes are the ones that aren't fortunes at all. It's like the author (and I use the term loosely) didn't understand the assignment.

    I'm always befuddled with very specific fortunes, too, like, "Your musical tastes will take an interesting turn" (which is a real fortune I got once. WTF?

  4. I agree that whoever writes them doesn't always get the assignment. I like the ones that try to tell me something about myself. Like, "You have a shrewd knack for spotting insincerity." Really? And here I thought I nearly always assume the best about people.

    Some Dove "promises":
    "When two hearts race, both win."
    "Find your passion."
    "Sing along with the elevator music."
    "Dare to love completely."
    "Send a love letter this week."
    "Write a real letter, not an email."
    "Naughty can be nice."
    "Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to."
    And...drum favorite, "Wink at someone driving past today." I can't tell you how many times I've gotten that one, and it just strikes me as a stupid idea.

  5. How about, "Eat less chocolate and jog"? ;-)

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. A valid choice, but one that would likely get someone in the marketing department fired. What about, "Burn these calories with a long bike ride"? I'm sure that's better. (At the very least, I'm many, many times more likely to do so.)

  7. Hahaha. Right. Thanks, Melanie. YOU should be in marketing at Dove!