Saturday, May 28, 2011

An Equine Story

In commenting back and forth with a reader about a horse supply shop in London (tack store? I'm not a horse person) it reminded me of a story from a few years ago.

I work near one of the largest equestrian complexes in Los Angeles. There are so many horses and riders near my office they have buttons for the pedestrian crossing on the light pole about eight feet up so riders can press the button.

I thought I'd go into one of the tack shops to check out crops and what-not. There are two big ones just outside the equestrian center. So I went in, me, the city-slicker in my work clothes, and started looking at crops and bats and things I don't even know the word for. The minute I started looking an employee was on me, asking questions. They were instantly suspicious. I knew I couldn't pretend I was a horse person when she asked what I was looking for. So I did what any self-respecting kinkster not out of the closet would do: I lied.

I told her (since I was in Burbank and a mile from at least four different studios) that I was shopping for props, I was sent on this errand and I had no idea what I was looking for. The employee continued to eye me suspiciously as I picked up crops and things. She went to the cash register and told a guy in plaid shirt, jeans and cowboy boots something and soon he was hanging around the aisles near me, watching.

Finally, they achieved their goal. I got too self conscious to continue looking. I decided I couldn't actually purchase anything at that point (does that make me a pussy?) and I left, heading next door to the other store. But when I got there I was convinced the folks at the first tack shop had phoned ahead and there were three people there (two I think weren't employees but customers hanging out at the shop). "The outsider" was here. And I went in and looked at the crops and whips, the eyes burning into the back of my neck. 

I had been warned to be careful in tack shops, that those in the cities were onto us kinksters. I felt like the 1,387th kinkster to come in, nose around the implements and pretend I had other reasons to be there. I felt like they really wanted me outta there, so rather than waste any more time, I split, angry at myself that I was intimidated by these horse people. But I consoled myself by going onto Extreme Restraints, JT Stockroom and even a few equestrian/tack supply shops and buying some authentic horse goods to make up for it.

That was two years ago. And I haven't been back. 

Photo Credit: Lizzie (who stopped in a farm supply shop this weekend)


  1. That's really too bad. All horsey people aren't that judgmental. Why should they care why you were there? Your money is just as good as anyone else's.

    Wait a minute. That's what I tell myself while trying to find the courage to go into an adult shop.

    Last time I did so, the young sales associate asked if I needed help, and I asked her where the implements were. She took me to a corner where there were vibrators, cuffs, and a few spanking items and said, "Is this what you mean?" I suspect she was unfamiliar with the term.

    The last time I dropped into our local farm supply store, there were NO crops or bats among the horsey things. Had all the local kinksters beaten me to it?


  2. I just say my purchase is a gift. That way if I lack the knowledge,... well, that sometimes comes with the territory of trying to find that perfect gift.

    Like with Flash Cotton, it is assumed an experienced magician would use the stuff. So I say, "It's a gift." They assume my friend is a magician, and I don't know all the tricks to the trade.

    Also, the fire cups I bought online from an alternative medicine supply shop, it was asked, before I submitted my order, what were they going to be used for. I just checked the box that said it was "a gift". Thank goodness they didn't want some sort of license-to-practice number.

    In a way, it is frightening that we can purchase these items and twist them beyond their real means. And in another way ... it's so frikkin' cool we can and do.

  3. Hermione: "Beaten you to it." Ha!

    I'm not lambasting ALL horse supply sellers--just these in a major metropolitan city.

  4. Connie:

    What a GREAT suggestion! I'm pissed I never thought of that!C


  5. Naturally .. "Equine" caught my attention...

    Just tell em your sister's daughter rides a 3-Day event horse and her birthday is coming up and you wanted to get her a crop, or a dressage whip.
    3-Day Events have horse and rider doing 3 separate tests. Cross country jumping (over solid fences), stadium jumping (over jumps that fall if ya touch em), and then dressage (that ballet on horseback on the flat stuff).

    (Crops used for cross country jumping, or the stadium jumping phase of the competition)

    (dressage whip used for the dressage phase)

    That way.. you cover all bases on sizes.

    OR... just tell me what ya want and I'll tell ya where to get your best buy online. LOL

  6. This post got Chrossed, you know. And you didn't even have to post a pretty girl bottom pic! :-)

  7. Oh, another great suggestion! Thanks, Zelle! I could do the "stupid-man-buying-a-gift" thing! Like normal!

    Hey, missed you at FMS!

  8. I didn't! Wow! Everything I said previously about Chross I take back. Right now!

  9. I was already in PA.. so it was easy to go to AC.. but had to stay here. So trucking back to FMS wasn't doable.. especially with me doing July and OCT Chicago Crimson Moon. BUT NEXT YEAR.. when FMS is in Cocoa Beach (whooHOO!) I'll be there!

  10. Because I am (grins) .. I do live in south FL... but Mom, who lives in central PA, has had some health issues, and my one sister that lives locally was worn out doing her day job and handling all Mom's stuff after work (making sure she ate, paying bills, grocery shopping, and 28 animals to feed/water) - yeah, 28 (oy vey), so I came north to help out! Will be here till late Aug I believe.

  11. Okay, good. In this particular case I'm not losing my mind. So why didn't you make it to FMS again?

  12. "So why didn't you make it to FMS again?"

    rofl.. you're working way too hard Craig... ;-)

  13. Sigh. I can't keep track of what fucking city I'm in... S'cuse me.

  14. Well.. at least I know I'm in central PA (otherwise known as BFE).. and I'm sorta stuck here.. I hit up AC BEFORE arriving here (so I snuck that party in) .. and of course I'm not missing the CCM party..cause my Top lives there.. so I've already clued em' in around here that I'll be gone for a week or so to Chicago (they think I'm teaching a horse clinic).. ;-)

  15. Got it (now). Beat me over the head, just don't think you can beat me.

  16. Why I'd never DO such a thing... (might think it..out loud.. to egg ya on..).. but I'd NEVER do it! LOL