Sunday, June 19, 2011

Spankos vs. BDSMers

I was talking to a friend on FL yesterday about BDSM versus spanking. I told her Iwas amazed, in going to our first spanking party and starting to make friends with some spankos, the perceived differences between spankos and BDSMers. We're all kinksters. (I've blogged about this before, early on in my blog, but I'm too lazy to search it out right now.)

But the spankos look down their noses at BDSMers. "We're not like THAT!" they say. "We're ABOVE that WEIRD stuff!" they claim. When I scoffed and laughed they all looked at me oddly. "What's the difference?" I said, a vocal and self-proclaimed BDSMer. What it boiled down to, really, were a few things (some of which were splitting hairs):

  1. Most spanko bottoms don't see themselves as masochists. This comes from a belief (IMHO) that their interest is in spanking as a disciplinary thing, as an age-play thing or as a pain thing, but many I've "interviewed" on the subject see thier interests as far from masochistic. "I'm not into pain, I just like spanking." I've heard that soooo many times.
  2. Most spankos don't believe they're into the protocols often associated with BDSM, particularly in D/s relationships. I laugh here. Every time. They see their own protocols ("I brat, he spanks!") as something far from protocol. Now, I haven't talked to many in these odd "protective" relationships in the spanko scene (older mean with one or more younger women under then "protection" or just beholden to them in some unknown/unclear way.)
  3. Most spankos see what they do as "light" and what BDSMers do as "dark." Certainly, parties are fun, frivolous affairs where it's easy to step up to someone and say, "Hey, we're all here for the same reason. Can I spank you?" And away you go into the next room for something light, something fun, something hard--whatever. They see BDSM as being standoffish, full of rigor and lacking real connection or emotion. And you know what? For the most part, on this one, they're right! I always point out that BDSM can be dangerous! Communication, negotiation, discussion is incredibly important in BDSM, otherwise someone could get hurt! In spanking, what can go wrong (particularly, again, at a party)? There are people around, you can have your butt smacked. If it doesn't work, you say, "hey!"

The REALLY funny thing is that most "pure spankos" I've played with privately have been more than happy to dabble in aspects of BDSM--flogging, caning of parts others than the bottom, sensation play, whatever. I've been pleased to "open the door" to the BDSM world for many people who felt they were pure spankos. 

And in terms of "party friends" I think almost ALL the BDSMers have gravitated to one another because we all share the same interests but also appreciate "the lightness of being" we all experience at spanking parties. In fact, I can't think of a single person I've developed a relationship with (bottom-wise) in the spanking scene I'd call "pure spanko." Period.

That's all seen through my own leather-colored glasses, mind you. I'm sure others see it a different way. I know a few BDSMers who've not liked the spanko experience. OK. Fine. But for me, the friendliness, openness and frankness of the scene is highly appealing. I'm not really into age play, role play or school girl stuff, though the anal, discipline and some aspects of protocol are highly appealing to me.


  1. Tell her that the length of her spanking will depend on how beautiful you find her at the appointed time. These acts of preparing herself will have a direct effect on her state of arousal, as it will make her think about it constantly.

  2. Dear Blogs BDSM:

    Great advice. Thanks so much.


  3. It's ironic how appropriate I find this tonight.

    While going through a few profiles at SpankFinder, I noticed there is a section for "other kinky things" you're into. I was rather amazed how many profiles seemed aghast that a) I dared think spanking was kinky or b) that they might actually be into other yucky kinky things.

    Perverts are perverts in my book. :P

  4. Don't get me started, A'marie. That some spankos look down their noses at BDSM is beyond me. Isn't it the same thing???