Tuesday, August 23, 2011

GQ LIES!

The August issue of GQ had a tempting promise on the cover (see circled headline, right). "GIRLS SPANKING GIRLS (NICELY)" it claims loudly in ALLCAPS.


"Hmmm," I thought. "Girls spanking girls nicely. That's the best way to see girls spanking girls. Sounds hot." Of course, my eyes were on Mila Kunis (who's name sounds like a mildly deviant sex act all on its own--I am so gonna mila kunis that chick who helped me at Target last night. See?) so my brain was confused. 


It's not like I went out of my way and bought the issue. I'll admit it: I subscribe to GQ. Why? You'll laugh. It makes me feel like a man. I think I'm fairly fashion forward, but I'm not into sports (born without the sports gene I claim) and the mere idea of subscribing to Playboy at best and Hustler at worst just feels so tawdry (and a waste of trees) and so I get my testosterone from GQ--clothes advice, hot women, some sports info, etc. Seems legit! So when the August issue arrived and there was ultra-hottie Mila Kunis on the cover, I completely missed the ALLCAPS until a friend of mine (a true spanko) pointed it out to me. Now I was curious...


So after much thumbing of pages and smelling of cologne swatches on folded glossy sheets of paper, I landed on this:


Wait. What? Okay, yes. Two women: check. Semi-OTK: check. Hairbrush implement: check. But where the spanking? This wasn't a spanking! Now I realize this is GQ and not some issue of Janus, but dammit! the cover said "GIRLS SPANKING GIRLS" First of all, that's plural. Secondly, there's no actual spanking. So I turned the double-spread to the next page, hoping (hell, expecting!) more. But no, nothing. That was it. That was it! There was no actual spanking, singular or plural. Yes, the spanking was done "NICELY", so nicely in fact that the brush never comes in actual contact with bottom!


WTF?!


I say to GQ: Lies! Tease us with your headlines behind your hermetically sealed plastic condom around your glossing pages full of watches and preppy shirts. But there were no actual GIRLS SPANKING GIRLS--NICELY or Miss Chris-style. Shame on them. Now I'll just have to take the magazine and imagine what kind of deviant sex act "mila kunis" might actually be...

11 comments:

  1. LOL...oh dear - a bit of a let down huh? Nevermind :(

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  2. How lame! By the way, those are the two actresses from the TV show "Community." Not that knowing that makes the picture any better.

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  4. It's GQ.
    Really, you're surprised? ;)

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  5. I have to confess I got taken in too. I bought the magazine, and was bitterly disappointed.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  6. Kiwigirliegirl: Yes, it's a letdown!

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  7. Erica: Yeah, I read they were from the show (I don't watch it). I didn't really think it was germain to the conversation...

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  8. A'marie: They advertised spanking! On the cover! I see no actual spanking!

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  9. Right, Hermione? Fuck those GQ bastards!

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