Sunday, May 6, 2012

Erotic Humiliation

I don't remember where or when I first heard the term "erotic humiliation" but I got it instantly. Certainly, it was after getting into the lifestyle. Certainly it was after hearing Erica's stories about how John would make her take off her clothes and ride in a car or go fetch things and Erica talking about how it turned her on. This utterly fascinated me. I didn't have such inclinations toward public sex or the potential of getting caught.

I remember we had neighbors who, while in their 20s, talked of fucking behind the sofa while their parents sat on it and watched tv. They also fucked on the washing machine while their parents made dinner and loved it. The idea of this to me does nothing good for me. Even young I would imagine such distractions would keep me from a proper erection. Nonetheless, I get the idea of it. Certainly there are enough fans of public sex (which, I realize, is exhibitionism and not erotic humiliation) that there's an entire sub-genre of the stuff in mainstream porn.

I read as much about it on FetLife and elsewhere on the web I could, collecting ideas and stories and getting into the mindset of it. I discovered on Extreme Restraints a remote controlled insertable egg. This was used for my first erotic humiliation scene. At dinner, at a nice restaurant with white linens, the egg and instructions in an envelope were handed to my dinner date and I told her to take the envelope to the restroom and the envelope opened, the note read and the instructions followed. A few minutes later she returned, a surprised and quizzical look on her face. I turned the egg on from the remote in my sportcoat pocket. It did the trick. The instructions told her to remain calm and not let anyone else know what was happened. She neared orgasm and I turned it off. Repeated.

The control and the power exchange and the notion of her getting caught turned me on. My creative and imaginative mind wandered to new ideas. Next up: nipple clamps handed over with instructions at a group lunch with the rote "go to the bathroom" instructions. The note said to apply the nipple clamps and return. 

I've used or considered anal plugs in public, hallway nude ice machine runs at hotels, public under skirt photography of genitalia, public spankings and more. 

But here's the thing: though I find it exciting and I love it, I'm not the recipient. Not that I want to be! My point is that though I enjoy erotic humiliation, I don't understand exactly what is behind it. I get the thrill of discovery. I understand the idea of being made to do something you wouldn't normally be willing to do. But what else is there to it? What's going on inside the recipient's head? Or is that it? I'd love to hear your thoughts if you're interested to share, even anonymously. 


  1. Don't have much to add since that's not my thing, but an interesting topic. The idea of being caught doing something gives me major anxiety, and not a good kind. I'm probably in the minority but even at a spanking party, I won't play in front of other people. It just freaks me out.

  2. I'd never heard the term until recently. :)

    I'm very far from experienced in this arena. Still, I know what appeals to me, I suppose. (This does.) It's not about the humiliation aspect for me, per se, which is why I quirked my head the first time I heard that phrase. I relish the idea of the people around me having no idea, and yes it is made all the more satisfying by the (slight) possibility they could realize/discover. Throw in the control aspect and it's just, well, really hot.

    Any other comments on it would sadly tell far more about me than anyone should have to know. :D

  3. It's a bizarre thing for me, because it's generally not my thing either. But on occasion, with someone I trust deeply, in just the right mood with just the right demeanor, it works. And I don't know why.

    Maybe there's a part of me that's looking on and is wowed by the fact that I'm doing this and I'm OK with it. I marvel at how far I'll go for someone when the moment is right. And it does have to be right. John tried that taking-off-my-clothes-and-making-me-ride-naked thing another time, and all I did was laugh at him and tell him to forget it. But that first time? I wanted to, I had to, I amazed myself with the willingness.

  4. Thanks for your comments, Lea.

  5. Thanks for your ideas on the subject, A'marie. If you like the idea then I'll bet you're interested.

  6. Thanks so much for sharing, Erica. You know I appreciate your thoughts and opinons.

  7. You know the whole public thing really doesn't do anything for me either. I find it just wrong for anyone, including the teenage kids, to do it with the parents sitting on the couch while they are behind it. That is just wrong. And I am not prude...