Friday, September 28, 2012

Life, Interrupted.

For the past year I've been on a rather self-imposed censorship on this blog. You may have noticed I haven't had many personal posts over that time, that the content has been light and a bit frivolous. (Alright, well, I've always striven for a bit of light and frivolous to let my sense of humor show, but those of you who are regulars—and there seem to be far fewer of you than there used to be—know what I'm talking about.) 

You see, since September 7 of last year I've been in the process of getting a divorce from my wife of 28 years. Yes, it's as drastic and as torturous and as crazy and as emotionally upending as it sounds. From the start we didn't want it to get ugly. We agreed to mediation. In the end, it was very pragmatic, very grown up and not at all hostile. I think we both ended up in a good place, but for the last year I've kept my head down, hunkered low and didn't rock the boat. I didn't go to any play parties, not really sure how to deal with it all.

I didn't want to blog about what was up. It seemed too much. I went through depressive periods. I couldn't see the end of the process. Hell, just starting the process was hard enough and took a great deal of help and support from my kink-aware therapist, my friends and my family. 

As I told a friend: if you eat the same thing for breakfast every day for 28 years—even if it's your favorite food in the whole wide world—and all of a sudden you stop having it there is undoubtedly going to be weirdness, strife and a feeling of confusion. I certainly went through that, in spades. 

For economic reasons we cohabited in the same house, which held its own challenges as you might imagine. On September 1 (ironically, the date of my anniversary) of this year my ex moved out and I settled into a new state of being. And on September 19 (the day after my 50th birthday) the judge sealed the deal.

So I thought it was about time to get back to my usual pithy, disclosing self. I'll share more of this new life adventure soon. In the mean time, special thanks to my kids (who don't read this blog but I wanted you all to know they were valuable support), to Erica, to Jada, to Michael & Kate and to Lizzie, whom I couldn't've gone through this without.

10 comments:

  1. Here's hoping the times ahead are brighter, my friend. I wish the very best for you in your new phase of life. Don't ever forget you are a man of worth, and you deserve it.

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    1. Thank you, Jada. That's very sweet and very kind. You are a welcome and true friend and I cherish that friendship and support.

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  2. What Jada said. What was it I always said to you? "You deserve more." I meant it then, and still do. Glad to see you are reaching for the stars, and you've already got quite a shining one in your life now. ♥

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    1. Thank you, Erica. That is also extraordinarily sweet. You have been such an important part of this journey for me—life, NOT divorce ;-).

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  3. Craig, I wish you well. Divorce isn't easy, even for the most mature, well-intentioned couples. Here's to the start of a new, exciting and fulfilling life.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  4. Blessings and thanks for telling us. There is life after divorce, often quite vibrant and wonderful.
    Maryann

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    1. Thanks, Maryann. I'm looking forward to experiencing it.

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  5. Mine was just finalized a few weeks ago as well, though many many years shorter than your marriage. It isn't easy even if in the long run you know it's for the better.

    People never know what to say. I get a lot of "things will start looking up" and "you deserve better anyway." It's a nice sentiment, but no one knows what the future holds. I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this and wish you the best.

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    1. Thanks, Lea. That's sweet. Same to you! Now I wish we met and could have commiserated...

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