Saturday, November 24, 2012

A Time for Genuine Punishments

Over on our joint blog, Black & Blue, Lizzie and I are blogging next week about the difference between "funishments" and what I call Genuine Punishments. This got me thinking about punishment and when Lizzie does things wrong. On the one hand, I'm a firm believer in consequences for one's actions. On the other, I'd also like to believe I'm fair. 

The other day Lizzie and I had an event to attend in which we were volunteering to help. We drove 40 miles or so on a Sunday morning to the venue and were perplexed that no one was there. 15 minutes went by and still no one was there. I started to wonder if the time had changed. Lizzie texted the organizer and much to her chagrin she had entered the wrong date on our joint Google calendar. The event was a week later. She was certainly frustrated and annoyed at her actions and was very apologetic. 

On the drive back I thought about a Genuine Punishment. Lizzie needed correction for her mistake. We had gotten up early, driven 80 miles and had nothing to show for it. But at the same time, I knew she had beaten herself up rather substantially in the car on the way back and felt awful. What would be gained by punishing her further? Would she "learn a lesson" or just harbor resentment for my harshness? 

(The very seasoned and knowledgable gentleman who provided me a great deal of advice in how to play and how to be when I started playing publicly said that a Dom/top could be compassionate or could be cruel. Which was I? I'd love to believe I'm compassionate with a very sadistic streak...)

So I went with compassionate in this case. Lizzie beat herself up for her error. I didn't need to do it again.

12 comments:

  1. Craig,

    I wanted post my own thoughts, as I don't presume to know the dynamics of your relationship with Lizzie.  But your post made me wonder what I would want/expect if I were in her shoes... as well as my thoughts on "genuine punishment" and what makes them cruel or compassionate.

    I don't find the idea of punishment itself as being cruel.  It is the intention behind said punishment that colors it one way or other.  A punishment given with love is delivered by a compassionate Dom...fully wanting to see the growth of his sub, and cruel when the punishment is designed to humiliate, to cut and break down his sub.  I make no judgments of either as I know in the fet world it comes down to whatever floats your boat.  My dingy, however, survives the perfect storm knowing that I am my Sir's most cherished sub, and he does me no favors by overlooking errors that need correction.  In fact, in the past when he has showed me the kindness of letting something slide, I feel as though I must be less worthy of his attention, my betterment no longer on his agenda.

    I have been gifted with an endless well of shame and guilt.  While I am happy to beat myself up, one of the many luxuries of having a Sir/Dom/Top is that they prescribe and carry out a punishment for us, relieving us subs from the burden of doing it ourselves. We decide the who, and they decide the what, why and how much.  And then, balance is restored...

    Perhaps that makes me high maintenance but it is what makes me feel held and loved.  In exchange for my submission, I am granted his dominance... and I expect nothing less.

    But that's just me...

    xo,
    SC

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    Replies
    1. Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughtful and detailed reply, SpankCake. Makes me want to meet you.

      You'll learn more about "Genuine Punishment" in this week's blog post coming on Black & Blue. After you read that, let me know what you have to say.

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    2. Anytime, Craig... I'm always free for a cup of coffee!

      I look forward to seeing the post on Black and Blue... loving the format, btw!

      xo,
      SC

      PS I nominated you for the Liebster Award... feel free to answer or not... just for fun: http://spankcake.blogspot.com/2012/11/a-lieb-of-faith.html

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    3. Thanks, SpankCake, for your kudos on the new blog.

      Nominated? Who, me? Thank you so much!

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  2. Hi Craig,
    A great post to deliberate. There is certainly a difference between funishments and genuine punishments and i dont envy tops when deciding whether or not to punish. As a bottom, i have to agree with SpankCake, that picking and choosing actions to punish causes confusion for the sub, creates feelings of unworthyness and that age old inconsitency insecurity. Whether the sub beats herself up over an indiscretion is beside the point. I think every sub does that when a mistake has been made - ist what the top does that makes the differene to the sub. Whether its an actual punishment or if the dom is feeling "compassionate" then at least an acknowledgement of the issue i find works well.
    I will head over to your new blog shortly and check it out.
    Hugs
    Kiwi xxx
    P.S. SpankCake read my mind - to nominate you for the Liebster Award ;)

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    1. You're very sweet kiwigirliegirl. I appreciate your kind words.

      As for punishments/funishments, you'll read our joint point on Black & Blue later this week. I think Lizzie and I have come up with a way to clearly define the differences between what she craves in terms of pain and what she deserves in terms of punishment for her actions.

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  3. Hi Craig, I just wanted to say I discovered your blog today (via SpankCake) and really enjoyed this post. And you taught me a new word - funishment!

    Looking forward to the joint post :)

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    1. Hey Penelope. Thanks for discovering, reading and commenting. Hope you enjoy.

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  4. I don't envy a top/dom's position of deciding when to punish and when to let it go. I just read your other post on Black & Blue and find your methods very interesting.

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    1. Do you Lea? Shame you're not closer. I'd show them to you myself...

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  5. I have always believed in corporal punishment spankings. If a female is naughty she should be spanked. The error of her ways should be how this is accomplished. If it is a minor offence, a hand spanking, paddling , or hairbrush should be used. If it is a greater offence, I would use on her bare bottom, a birch-rod or cane. Also for humiliation purposes, she should be put into a corner showing her panties down naked rear end, with the corporal punishment implement, placed beside her,

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  6. I wish corporal spankings would work on my pet, but she loves the pain too much to be effective.

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