Sunday, January 30, 2011

In Pursuit of Pain

In talking with my play pal Beth recently about an upcoming scene we're planning in a few weeks, we got onto a discussion about being pushed in a scene--trying to beyond the comfort zone (which, in the grand scheme of our kink is a bit of an oxymoron, eh?). After a few minutes of back and forth she said to me, "I'm scared." I replied, "Good."

But it got me thinking--what a crazy dichotomy all this is. A bottom wants the pain, but a part of him/her doesn't. They want to be pushed, but a part of them screams out, "Are you nuts? It's gonna fucking hurt!" And as a sadist with no predilection for pain (I'm a wuss!) I find this all very curious.

So what say you? Do you embrace your pain? Do you fear it even though you need/crave it? When you shoot to go farther in a scene, what does that do to your headspace? How do you grab it and take it? And what's it do to your head, mindfuckery and all?

I'm utterly fascinated by what goes on inside each of us when we play and do these weird things we're doing. Those of you who know me know I ask a lot of questions at times, trying to understand. Your answers can help illuminate this further, I hope.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


I've often talked about the importance of a good connection with the person you're playing with in order to create a great scene. The dynamic between players is one thing, but a genuine rapport, energy, mutual respect and real physical attraction are all key in this connection in which I speak. When it happens, it's amazing and that dynamic parlays itself into the scene to create something truly incredible.

A few things happened this last week that brought all this top of mind: In talking with a friend in the scene recently I discovered that many out there don't ever have these kinds of connections. These are people that play publicly, spankos and BDSMers alike, who have play partners or regular people they play with, but they never really achieve that kind of connection. That makes me sad (unless they don't want it for whatever reason). Sure, casual play is fun and rewarding in its own way--I love that about the Shadow Lane, Tropical Beach and Boardwalk Badness parties. It's a way to meet new people, have fun. But what is truly rewarding are those relationships that are built around the attributes I've described above.

Another thing that happened this week was I was in touch with two friends--people I have a genuine relationship with--that special connection. One lives far away and we only get to see each other at parties. The other lives in California and I get to play with her on a semi-regular basis. Both are caring, wonderful people. The former texted me midday to say hi, act silly and tell me she cares about me. So random and unexpected and...well...rewarding. The other chatted with me about the importance of that genuine connection--not just in terms of scene play, but just in terms of a real, genuine friendship.

And I was reminded how lucky I am to have them both in my life.

I am fortunate to have forged some really cool friendships--some play related and some not, develop some wonderful relationships, and forge some truly meaningful, deep bonds that I would never trade for anything in the world.

Thank you. You know who you are.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

FMS Tropical Beach Party is on!

It was great to hear the word last week that the Tropical Beach Party is back on for 2011. Same place. Same time. I have fond memories of my first FMS beach party in '09 and last year's was even better. (You can read my trip report from '10 beginning here.)

So, make sure you get a chance to read up on all the activities, food, fun, festive-ness and, of course, zany spanking antics (oh FUCK! I can't believe I just wrote "zany spanking antics"! Shame on me!)

The early bird special ends March 31, so sign up now.

And, just to prove I'm "party agnostic", make sure you ALSO make it to SSNY's amazing Boardwalk Badness Weekend in Atlantic City this April! Tickets/rooms are going quickly!

Monday, January 17, 2011

A Follow-up on Errant Texting

Back in September I blogged about how easy it can be to send the wrong text to the wrong person with the iPhone. You can reacquaint yourself to that embarrassing moment here. To summarize, I texted my business parter: I WILL BE SPANKING YOU IN 24 HOURS. This was obviously meant for Lizzie, who I was going to be seeing the next day at Shadow Lane in Vegas. Working my way out of that situation involved cleverness and a bit of English subterfuge. I was confident he didn't fall for it, but what was I to do?

Today I received a text from him that said: PLEASE COME TO MY OFFICE. So I did. He looked at me quizzically and I held up my iPhone. "Oh. Jeez. Sorry. That wasn't for you." I started to walk out of the room and paused, turned around and said, "You ought to be more careful. You never know what you might send to someone inadvertently that may be taken out of context."

He nodded, went back to what he was doing, but as I turned to walk away he looked up suddenly as if he realized what I had just said.

(On a side note: if you are a smartphone user and have had run-ins with autocorrect, check out the hilarious site

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Musing on 2010

2010 was a pretty darn good year, in spite of the economy.

It started off with a few great scenes with Erica Scott, setting the tone for a fabulous year of play and parties. Erica and I played again later in the year at FMS and again at SL in Vegas, so we certainly got a few good whacks in to finish out 2010!

Next came a surprisingly fantastic party in Atlantic City with the SSNY folks for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. What a great first event. What a hell of a lot of fun and what an opportunity to meet new people, see old friends and just have a great spankin' good time. At the Karaoke show I took to the stage for my rendition of "Human" by one of my favorite bands The Killers. Whether it was playing with CloeMichelle, Jada, Lizzie, my wife Gia or many others, it was a great experience. The semi-public spanking room off the main ballroom came off as odd to me at first, but I had one of my most enjoyable scenes in there later in the weekend. Hats off to Mike, Miranda and Jules (and the entire SSNY team) for the amazing freshman event. I have no doubt this year's will be even better and I hope, like last year, Gia and I were two of the first to sign up!

June came soon enough and we found ourselves in the Tampa area for FMS' "farewell" Beach Party. The weather was great, the event organized to the hilt and the play great. One of my favorite moments was an impromptu party in Indy, Jada and Lizzie's room--mixing Dark & Stormys, eating a friend's fantastic cake (no, that's not an euphemism), hanging out with friends old and new. In the corner with Irish Mike, throwing in a randy and hilarious comment now and again (RIP, dude!). Brad's intro party in his suite with a cadre of fun folks was also a fun time, and I remember with great clarity sneaking a peek at a scene on the same bed as Jada and I between a new friend and an older one that was so smokin' hot I thought they were going to burn through the comforter.

September arrived quickly and we were in the sweltering Vegas heat for ShadowLane's party. I did my first take-down scene at the vendor fair, played with a fantastic new friend Beth, and really had a wonderful time relaxing, playing, making some great new play friends and making some wonderful new friends overall. I did wax and fire in our suite with Kate & Jada, had a super-hot scene (no pun intended) right after in the room with everyone hanging out with Lizzie (fully clothed! sitting on the sofa without moving!). What a really rewarding experience that party was for me. By the time it was over, I had a tear in my eye--I didn't want to say goodbye to my play pals and friends.

After enjoying two scenes with Beth at SL we communicated afterward and decided to play at the Lair. So in November, we enjoyed a fantastic scene with great energy. I love our dynamic and we really do play well together. The year ended with a bang (or a slap?) with Beth again in December. She's an enjoyable play pal and I look forward to getting her over a spanking bench back at the Lair in February.

Yep, 2010 was a great year for kink. I'm hoping this all is precedent for a fantastically fun 2011 at the Lair de Sade, in Atlantic City and back in Vegas for another great ShadowLane party. Happy New Year everyone!