Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year's Reflections

I think about everything that's transpired this past year, much of which I reflected on in my Kinky Christmas post. With lots of badness and sadness behind me (some of which I reported on here) I think there's a lot more to this year than angst, mistakes, separation and divorce. There's so much good that came this year as well.

Let's see, staring the Way Back Machine, we began the year with A Love Story in Snack Photos. I was very fond of this post and thought it very clever. I'm not sure others felt as strongly as I did with it.

In February I "admitted" I'm not a spanko (read it to see what you think in the end...).

I'm a slow reader, so in March I finally finished Erica's Late Bloomer and posted my review.

April brought news of this new book called 50 Shades of Grey and I commented on the trend. I'm utterly fascinated with teledildonics and all that portends, so I excitedly reported about it finally getting out of the dorky R&D labs and into the mainstream.

I discussed another fascination of mine, erotic humiliation in May and shared the disturbing recommendations Amazon comes up with for me in my Prime account, based on actual searches and purchases, of course.

I finally got around to some new kink fiction in June, a lovely little tale entitled Exquisitely Harsh

In July I wrote a post on the differences between funishment, punishment and what I like to call "Genuine Punishment" and another piece of spanking fiction just in time for Independence Day called Pure Fireworks

I wrote about being a dom, top, disciplinarian and master in August

September brought lots of news, ranging from the announcement of my joint blog with Lizzie called Black & Blue, my Shadow Lane party report, the sharing of my year-long divorce and continued here.

When October rolled around, Black & Blue went live and I (along with Lizzie) went back to the Lair, our local dungeon, after a long hiatus.

I described Genuine Punishments with Lizzie in November and described a Silent Scene we shared.

Ending out the year, I've gotta say I'm glad it's behind me, Fellow Kinksters. But I wouldn't have gotten to the good stuff without slogging through the bad. I've made mistakes, learned lessons and hopefully become a better person in the process (that remains to be seen). I'm happy, healthy and just a wee bit wiser by the end of this year and, as much as this year tried me in so many ways, I have to be honest with myself and say I'm glad I went through it. That perspective has changed me. 2013 is going to be an absolutely fantastic year!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy Kinky Christmas!

Regardless of what holiday you celebrate (or don't), allow me the opportunity to wish you all a Happy Kinky Christmas. As I reflect on the year I think about all that's gone down—my divorce, the stress the went along with that, lifestyle relationship challenges that I've acknowledged right here on this blog that were mistakes I made and wish I'd handled differently, and then one of the greatest things to happen in my life—the arrival of Lizzie to my household and our subsequent maturing of our own D/s relationship and our love.

Those are pretty great gifts. Through all the stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, fear and sheer mental mind-fucking, I made it to the other side. That, my Kinky Friends, is the most amazing gift of all. 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

It's the End of the World As We Know It

...and I feel fine.

I was talking over the weekend about the Mayans and the idea that anyone could even take the notion of the world suddenly being snuffed out in an instant utter bullshit. Someone I know was concerned that people could go crazy and do stupid stuff (i.e. murder) on Thursday because the world could end on Friday. This kind of thinking is ludicrous (avoiding parallels to recent shootings aside). 

Yes, The Flat Earth Society still exists (how I have no clue) and there are those that firmly believe that the Holocaust didn't exist, but the very idea that our little blue ball can just get snuffed out in a moment just doesn't even compute. 

So as all of you go about your day this week spanking, kinking and FetLife-ing, jut remember that whatever you do today will undoubtedly have ramifications tomorrow. 

Unless the Mayans watched the aliens load some kind of ticking time bomb into the center of the earth, I'm keeping my Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons until Saturday. I still need to get a few more Xmas gifts.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Back in the U.S. of A.

Just returned to the land of unrestricted, uncensored internet! Tired, jet-laggy and glad to be home. I'll return to the regularly scheduled kink in a day or two after I've adjusted to the time zones again. Thanks for hanging out and waiting!

Friday, November 30, 2012

I'm off... the Middle East again. That means censorship, no access to my blog and thus, no posts. This time I'll be gone 10 days, which means you won't be getting any updates until I'm back December 11 (unless I can spoof the system through VPN—we'll see—I've had limited success with that in the past.

In the mean time, Black & Blue, my side-by-side format joint blog with Lizzie is up and running and will continue weekly posts (she does all the hard work on HTML there).

Thanks for your patience.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A Time for Genuine Punishments

Over on our joint blog, Black & Blue, Lizzie and I are blogging next week about the difference between "funishments" and what I call Genuine Punishments. This got me thinking about punishment and when Lizzie does things wrong. On the one hand, I'm a firm believer in consequences for one's actions. On the other, I'd also like to believe I'm fair. 

The other day Lizzie and I had an event to attend in which we were volunteering to help. We drove 40 miles or so on a Sunday morning to the venue and were perplexed that no one was there. 15 minutes went by and still no one was there. I started to wonder if the time had changed. Lizzie texted the organizer and much to her chagrin she had entered the wrong date on our joint Google calendar. The event was a week later. She was certainly frustrated and annoyed at her actions and was very apologetic. 

On the drive back I thought about a Genuine Punishment. Lizzie needed correction for her mistake. We had gotten up early, driven 80 miles and had nothing to show for it. But at the same time, I knew she had beaten herself up rather substantially in the car on the way back and felt awful. What would be gained by punishing her further? Would she "learn a lesson" or just harbor resentment for my harshness? 

(The very seasoned and knowledgable gentleman who provided me a great deal of advice in how to play and how to be when I started playing publicly said that a Dom/top could be compassionate or could be cruel. Which was I? I'd love to believe I'm compassionate with a very sadistic streak...)

So I went with compassionate in this case. Lizzie beat herself up for her error. I didn't need to do it again.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Turkey Day

As each of you in the U.S. of A. prepare for Thanksgiving, allow me to say thanks to each of you for your loyal readership. As I'm wont to say, I hope I'm able to entertain, provide you some occasional and interesting insights into my lifestyle and some random opinions on a top's eye view of the scene.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish

The New York Times ran a really fantastic story on Friday about a spanking devotee's need to express herself and her kink to her partner(s). Jillian Keenan reveals a heartbreaking tale (one that we all know) of how hard it is to come out. After reading through this poignant article (made more amazing by the fact it's in the NY Times) it made me appreciate the connections I've made in the lifestyle, particularly with my partner Lizzie. 

Like recent posts on this very blog on this subject, finding a partner who not only understands our particular kink but is also harmoniously compatible is hard to find, so if and when you do you have to grab it with all you've got and not let go, if possible. 

Read the piece. You'll be moved:

(And thanks to Lizzie for sending this article my way.)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Love My Lurkers!

Yet another Love Our Lurkers has arrived. This is the annual event conceived by Bonnie over at Bottom Smarts to thank all of you for reading—even if you're not commenting! Well, I know you're out there, I know your reading (thank you, Blogger stats and Google Analytics!) from as close as L.A. to as far as China, Australia and Russia. Your continuous attention to Dark Musing is what keeps me writing.

From the very start I wanted to give a unique perspective to kink and the lifestyle. I wanted to share a male top's view of scenes and what goes through our heads. I wanted to lend some of my own sense of humor to all of that too, and post my own discoveries, mistakes, foibles and changing views along the way. 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your loyal following and thanks for being "out there" reading the weird shit I've got to say. You rock.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Silent Scenes

A close up of the cane marks on Lizzie's bottom from
one of our first "Silent Scenes."
With Lizzie by my side we find ourselves deep in our walk-in closet on a regular basis having these odd little scenes. What kind of scenes? I've taken to calling them "Silent Scenes." Since I have kids still living at home and since our bedroom isn't soundproofed (now that would be the ultimate kinkster's dream, wouldn't it?) we have to close the bedroom door, close the closet door and move to the far end of said walk-in closet. On top of that, you can still hear sounds of slapping and whacking. I know. 

So one evening when no one was home I pulled out my (sizable) implements collection and tried each, one at a time, on Lizzie to see which were, essentially, silent. Some were obvious (canes? silent), some not (that equestrian knotted-tip riding crop? oh yeah! totally silent!). By the end, we had our cadre of implements for our Silent Scene.

Each night before bed, almost nightly, we have been doing silent scenes. One night it was all canes. Here's the result of that particular effort:

One night it was this terrible, wretched thick black rubber "rod" that Lizzie gifted to me in the hopes she'd never see it again ages ago (the one that was once described to me at a Shadow Lane party as "the scene killer" by Miss Chris). This short scene, played out in silence, left Lizzie in tears it pushed her so hard.

These near-nightly scenes have turned into their own sort of genre of scene. What can be done differently? How can we switch it up? What will be silent? The scenes all take place in the walk-in closet. They're always quiet and they're rather short. I think Lizzie is just happy to have the opportunity to get beaten so frequently. I'm pleased we can feed our kink without having to run to the dungeon to do so.

Happy times. Strange scenes. Sounds pretty normal, doesn't it?

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Happy Halloween!

Thanks to the whole Romney/Obama debate and the revelation that the Republican candidate plans on cutting PBS and the following "Romney Wants to Shoot Big Bird!" headlines, Big Bird costume sales are up 500% according to reliable news sources.

The thing I love most about Halloween is what women decide to wear. It's not enough to be a nurse or a nun or a cop. Every costume has to have the word "slutty" in front of it. Slutty nun. Slutty cop. Slutty Darth Vader. So it should come as no surprise that there's a slutty Big Bird. Big Bird? Slutty? How so? Well, a quick internet search reveals the result:

Not bad. It's a bit of a stretch, but not bad. But as Google does, other search results are revealed. And that's where things get weird. Slutty Ernie and Bert? Really??? Not only is it a stretch that these nerdy lovers could ever aspire to be slutty, but girls???

Yet, here they are:

Now, regardless of how ridiculous these costumes may be, in each and every case all I want to do is take them over my knee and spank the fuck outta them. Perfect treat for Halloween, if you asked me.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Black and Blue is Live!

I'm very pleased to announce that Lizzie and my new side-by-side perspective blog, Black and Blue, is live. We'll write side-by-side spanking/kink fiction, dual perspective scene descriptions, joint musings on lifestyle philosophies and more.

We hope you'll check it out and enjoy. 

Friday, October 26, 2012

"I'll Have What She's Having."

This sounds like my kind of bar. Do they have Gentleman's Night?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Long Lost Lair

Over the course of my divorce I pretty much stayed away from my nearby (and favorite) dungeon, Lair de Sade. Though I wouldn't call this my home away from home I would say I had some friends there and definitely had some of the best scenes ever there with Erica, Lizzie and others. Regardless of how much Erica despised the place, there was an odd melancholy I felt not having gone for so long.

Divorce complete, I'm back. I've been to the Lair at least four times in the last month and a half, enjoying scenes with Lizzie there, hanging out with old friends and making new ones. 

I'm glad I'm feeling like I can get back into the lifestyle again. My self-imposed exile from the scene done, Shadow Lane's Labor Day party was my return after a year, and getting back into the Lair is a real shot in the arm.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Happy (Early) Halloween!

I was gonna save this little pictorial of hot women zombies (an odd fetish for someone, I'm sure) until Halloween, but I just happened to pick up on a bit of a rant Erica was carrying on about online yesterday about "what's up with men and zombies, anyway???" So Erica, this pictorial is for you.

Happy Halloween!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Life, Interrupted Part II

Lizzie, in her natural state (red).
My ex (who obviously wasn't my ex at the time) told me she was interested in going to this spanking party she heard about called Shadow Lane. This happened a little over three years ago. I wasn't quite sure why we'd be going to a spanking party. We, after all, we haughty BDSMers. Dark, brooding and serious. What's with all this brattiness? I didn't have a clue what to make of it, but if it broadened my own play opportunities (which weren't panning out so well at the time) I was interested.

I read the SL website's party suggestions and got my free membership and immediately posted a notice that my ex and I would be in attendance and we'd be interested in meeting up with other like-minded couples to play. I got one response from a young lady who was married (at the time). Her name was Lizzie. We chatted a bit online before the Memorial Day/St. Paddle's Day-themed event and coordinated a meet-up to see if the four of us were compatible. (By the way, if you Google "Shadow Lane St. Paddle's Day" the very first thing that comes up is Erica's MySpace photos from that 2009 event.)

We met up and, well, let's just say the four of us weren't able to find a way to play. We tried, but things just didn't mesh. It got to be the last day of the party and we were all up in Danny Chrighton's room, as I recall. People were flopped all over the two beds and sitting on the floor, hanging out and having a good time. I knew the only chance I'd get to play with Lizzie at this party was if I just went and played with her, rather than hoping we could get the four of us together. So I asked. She said yes. 

Nervously (well, at least I was nervous), we went back to my room, I pulled out a chair and we had a short but nice OTK scene (my second real OTK spanking experience after the first one I had the night before when Erica grabbed me by the hand, took me into the next room at a suite party and changed my life). There was an instant chemistry.

We went on to play again at FMS' Beach Party that year, the one in which I infamously asked Lizzie to put on a bustier and plaid school girl skirt and come to my room for a private scene—and gave her the wrong room number by accident! UGH!

A few months later we began to chat online. Our style, interests and philosophies of play was quite similar. We shared similar vanilla likes and dislikes. We hit it off. Soon, mutual friend and play partner Jada, Lizzie and I were inseparable at play parties. 

(One of the truly amazing and surprising gifts of the lifestyle have been the amazing friendships I've forged with like-minded people.)

Lizzie got divorced over a year and a half ago and over the last year my relationship with LIzzie has grown stronger, our interests broadened and our experiences more significant. We fell in love. Today, my amazing play partner and I share a significant relationship. We have a dynamic of love, mutual respect, kindness, sincerity and openness. She recently relocated from her home in rural (or, as I tease, super-rural) Kansas to Los Angeles to live with me. We maintain our open relationship, but it's an open relationship anchored in a domestic partnership. This is a huge—and I hate to use the term for fear of sounding like some kind of MBA wonk— paradigm shift in my life. 

I'm not only having my cake and eating it, too, I've got the whole friggin' bakery. (And yes, Erica, I realize that's another food reference.)

Hopefully this will shed some light on our forthcoming Black & Blue blog and fill in the remaining blanks on what has transpired over the last year, as first described in Part I.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Almost Live! Black & Blue

As teased a few weeks back, Lizzie and I are starting a joint blog, called Black & Blue. The goal with this new blog is to offer two perspectives to every post. In fact, thanks to Lizzie's HTML skills, we have an unique side-by-side posting format. The tagline for the blog: "There are two sides to every scene."

If you've been a longtime reader, you know this isn't anything new. Erica and I did this as we reported on our play together at the Lair. Lizzie and I tried it as well, but in co-writing fiction in a "my chapter-your chapter" format. 

Black & Blue will have the usual random posts, but will primarily focus on Features.

Here's a list of some of the features you'll find on the blog:

Flash Photo Fiction: A short story told with a few photos and a limited number of words.

Two Sides to Every Scene: A scene as told from both perspectives.

To Each His/Her Own: Looking at a specific aspect of kink and the lifestyle from our own distinct perspectives.

Our Story: Various methods of joint storytelling. Fictional stories from dual perspectives, alternating paragraphs/chapters, textual roleplay, etc.

Into the Looking Glass: A self-reflection by one person, with comments from the other.

Photo Finish: One photo to finish up one (or two) dual storylines written to go with the picture.

None of this means our inidivual blogs will go away. Far from it. You'll keep getting (mostly) regular musings from me here and (occasional) posts from Lizzie at her blog.

When I started this blog over three years ago my goal was simple: to offer a male/top's view into the lifestyle. So many blogs are offered from the woman's perspective and I thought it would be unique to "pull the lid off" the top's thoughts—at least my own.

I hope the perspective and voice of Black and Blue will offer a similarly distinctive viewpoint (or viewpoints as the case may be). And we hope you'll enjoy reading our posts regularly. 

Look for Black & Blue to go live in a few days!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Arrogant Mistakes

(NOTE: This does not have anything to do with my recent announcement of my divorce. One did not lead to the other. One was not the result of the other. Just to dispel any thoughts before you begin...) 

My choice to pursue aspects of my lifestyle have had their rewards—wonderful friends, a new, amazing partner—but also some negatives as well. I've made mistakes. Terrible mistakes. I've hurt my play partner with wayward strikes (and always, always, always feel terrible). I've played when my head was in a negative place, much to the danger and injury of a play partner. (That was a painful lesson never to be repeated.) But worst of all, I arrogantly felt I could easily navigate the waters of poly (or at least scene) relationships. 

"This'll be easy," I thought. "You just pay attention to everyone in the relationship and everything will be fine." But everything wasn't fine. In more than one attempt. 

Relationships develop in their own ways, which can lead to an imbalance in the way those various relationships grow. A partner creates their own expectations, which may or may not meet with the other's. An early scene relationship fell to this. Thankfully, we were able to talk through the issue and remain good friends. Thank god.

But another relationship didn't end so well. Mistakes, misunderstandings and lies—from both parties—led to distrust, dysfunction, hurt feelings and worse. The hardest part of all was that I allowed myself to let this continue, convinced that fixing the problem would be harder than just continuing as it was. My own arrogance in believing that I had the skill and the experience to make this work simply wasn't the case. My inability to be honest just made it worse. Like I said, there were mistakes on both sides, dysfunction that led to dysfunction, but the sad reality was that I truly loved this person. And I tainted it. Then ruined it.

I mention this because I've tried, from the very beginning, to be honest with these posts—to share the good and the bad of my experiences. These were painful ones. One was terrible. I hurt more than the relationship, I hurt people I cared about and loved in the process. 

I know simply writing this doesn't make any of it better. I beat myself up every day (now that's a laugh—coming from a sadist), but I regret my actions, regret my behavior and sincerely hope that someday this person I cared for so deeply will forgive me for my stupidity, my callousness, my misjudgment and most of all, my arrogance. And more than anything, I'm happy that the other person already has.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Kink Advice

Just because I have a blog doesn't make me an expert. I certainly don't feel like one. I've got a lot to learn. Still, Fellow Kinksters will occasionally write to ask me questions, get opinions, seek advice.

Recently, a reader send me an email and asked:

I know how I feel and what I crave, but I don't know how to go about relaying this to my better half.

We've been together for 22 years, we were both teenagers when we got together. It was obviousthat we both enjoyed some aspects of the D/s lifestyle, even though we knew nothing about D/s. We were into "vanilla kink" and brought spanking into our relationship about 8 years later. But it was only part of foreplay and it never hurt. Our sex life has always been great. But I just feel an almost hollowness inside because this is something I crave...or at the least crave the experience to see if it's truly me. With him, we take one step forward and then four steps back. I've tried to explain it to him from my point of view and how it should make him feel and how he should want this, and I know I'm all wrong for that.

I seriously pondered my response because, in some ways, it followed my own journey into the lifestyle. I wrote back, then reread my correspondance and thought it was worth sharing. So with her permission, here's what I sent her. If it strikes a chord or sounds familiar to you, I'd love your comments. It might help this Fellow Kinkster seeking advice.

I've heard (and experienced) your story before, and it's not unusual.

I had sadistic and fucked-up sexual fantasies when I was a teenager. I was a pastor's son, so I found my fantasies literally one step away from becoming a serial killer. I had no clue such a thing could be consenting. I was fearful I would grow up to be a rapist. So I put it all away. Buried it. Flash forward some 25 years and my wife came out to me and told me she discovered she was a masochist and had had it buried her whole life and now that the kids were older was discovering this about herself. She wanted to explore it with me. I freaked. And I didn't know why I freaked. I was open to try "kinky" stuff, but as you say, vanilla kink. I certainly looked at my share of kinky porn, but nothing "extreme." But my reaction to this scared me. So I sought out a kink-aware professional in the therapy community and started to see her to get a grip on my wife's newfound lifestyle choice. This led to opening up my own memories that I had buried so deeply, then coming to grips with my own sadism.

I don't believe people can be "coaxed along." I've seen (and heard of) too many relationships were one person was born this way and the other went through the motions to please the person they loved. I can assure you it's none too satisfying for either partner. In the end, one of three things happen:

  1. the kinky one buries their predilections
  2. the kinky one goes out and "cheats" to get what they need, behind the backs of their partners
  3. the kinky one sits their partner down and says, "It has nothing to do with you, but I can't get what I need from you in this regard" and then explains to their partner that they need to go outside of the relationship to get it. That can be quite devastating for the recipient of that message to hear and can lead to the ultimate destruction of the relationship. Other times, that person is secure enough on their own to let it happen—sometimes with visual "supervision" to ensure the partner's safety.
If you feel the call of what you know is true to what's inside of you, only #3 can really give you peace, even if it involves the most risk. Too many couples find themselves in the first or second scenario and in neither case can those be satisfying, meaningful and without their inherent angst, frustration or damage to the relationship.

So what say you?

Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Guide to Paddles

There it is. Thank you Dick's. 

An amusing little aside: out in SoCal where I live there used to be a chain of sporting goods stores called Chick's Sporting Goods. They got bought out by Dick's. No kidding. So my family and I always refer to it as "Chicks and Dicks." God, I'm so junior high...

Friday, September 28, 2012

Life, Interrupted.

For the past year I've been on a rather self-imposed censorship on this blog. You may have noticed I haven't had many personal posts over that time, that the content has been light and a bit frivolous. (Alright, well, I've always striven for a bit of light and frivolous to let my sense of humor show, but those of you who are regulars—and there seem to be far fewer of you than there used to be—know what I'm talking about.) 

You see, since September 7 of last year I've been in the process of getting a divorce from my wife of 28 years. Yes, it's as drastic and as torturous and as crazy and as emotionally upending as it sounds. From the start we didn't want it to get ugly. We agreed to mediation. In the end, it was very pragmatic, very grown up and not at all hostile. I think we both ended up in a good place, but for the last year I've kept my head down, hunkered low and didn't rock the boat. I didn't go to any play parties, not really sure how to deal with it all.

I didn't want to blog about what was up. It seemed too much. I went through depressive periods. I couldn't see the end of the process. Hell, just starting the process was hard enough and took a great deal of help and support from my kink-aware therapist, my friends and my family. 

As I told a friend: if you eat the same thing for breakfast every day for 28 years—even if it's your favorite food in the whole wide world—and all of a sudden you stop having it there is undoubtedly going to be weirdness, strife and a feeling of confusion. I certainly went through that, in spades. 

For economic reasons we cohabited in the same house, which held its own challenges as you might imagine. On September 1 (ironically, the date of my anniversary) of this year my ex moved out and I settled into a new state of being. And on September 19 (the day after my 50th birthday) the judge sealed the deal.

So I thought it was about time to get back to my usual pithy, disclosing self. I'll share more of this new life adventure soon. In the mean time, special thanks to my kids (who don't read this blog but I wanted you all to know they were valuable support), to Erica, to Jada, to Michael & Kate and to Lizzie, whom I couldn't've gone through this without.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

50 Shades of Jumping the Shark...

We've all talked about the 50 Shades phenomenon ad nauseum. I know my piece on the phenomenon (more than the book) covered it and certainly Erica has as well. So I feel a sense of obligation to mention something that Fellow Kinkster A'marie sent to me today, a new book on Amazon called 50 Shades of Chicken. A parody cookbook? Now that's a new wrinkle. I assume it's mostly about trussing chickens, but here's a passage of prose from this soon-to-be-released tome now in preorder on the site:

Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”
   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.
   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
   I know what his hard cooking is like.
   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
   Give me a B!
   Give me an L!
   Give me an A!
   Give me a D! E! S! 
   Whack whack whack.
   What does that spell?
   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. 
   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
   I must remember to cluck at him more often.

Of course, if that doesn't work for you, there's also 50 Shades of Bacon, an erotic cookbook...

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Kinky America

When I travel and see something utterly kinky (or simply misconstrued as kinky) I like to snap a pic and pop it up on the blog here. I've found questionably kinky things in Lebanon and plenty of kinky humor in the UK here and here.

Currently I'm traveling across these great United States with Lizzie traveling I-40, paralleling the magnificent Route 66. Along the way we've happened upon some very kinky things. Here are some pics we've snapped along the way to prove our point:

Oh, those cedar souvenirs found in roadside gift shoppes all across
this great Country of ours... I specifically recall Brad and Jada
fondly mentioning the "Attitude Adjuster" and lamenting they can't be
found anymore. Guess what? They CAN! (Lizzie likes that they sold the paddles

with sling shots... And she says they should call the paddle: "No, we aren't there yet!")

Lizzie caught this case you need supplies for your Rape Kit:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


There is an odd, new indy film out (and it may be hard to find) that would be interesting to check out, Fellow Kinksters. It's called Compliance and rather than tell you about the premise myself, I'll simply quote Entertainment Weekly. They summed it up well:

A man calls a fast-food restaurant and tells the manager that he's a cop and that an employee has stolen from a customer. Before the end of the movie, the caller persuades the manager (a female) to strip-search the suspect (another female). He also talks the manager into committing a sexual act. 

Sounds strange? You bet. But what makes it even stranger? It really happened in 2004 at a McDonald's in Kentucky. The employee was detained, stripped and sexually assaulted on the instructions of a caller pretending to be a police officer. A prison guard was charged with soliciting a sex act and impersonating an officer, but was acquitted in 2006. The restaurant manager however, received a year's probation and her fiancĂ©, who helped guard the employee, pleased guilty to sexual abuse, sexual misconduct and unlawful imprisonment, and got a five year jail sentence. As for the victim, she got a cool $5 million in compensatory and punitive damages from McDonald's.

It's a strange story, made stranger because some of this sounds like scenes I've seen, heard about, read about or watched on video. And being convicted of unlawful imprisonment certainly hits a tender spot. What top (or bottom, for that matter) haven't worried about getting accused by a stranger of just such a thing? Now, I'm not condoning and I'm certainly not aggrandizing the terrible experience the poor drive-thru employee went through, but you also gotta admit that it sounds like certain erotic humiliation scenes--if it had only been fictional.

The director had this to say: "I hope the movie, in a way, isn't pleasant enough to be something that someone would want to be involved in. And you'd have to be a pretty devoted perv." Noted.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Shadow Lane Party Report

Okay, you guys know me. I travel constantly. Always on the go. Well, I've been traveling for weeks with only a 12-hour or so respite between. Middle East, home, midwest, home, Europe, home and then...Vegas! Shadow Lane time! Woo-hoo! But as I returned from Denmark I finally succumbed to all the travel and sleeplessness and crappy European beds and got sick. Just in case you aren't keeping a tally, I'm traveling for five weeks straight, with only a night home between each trip. Heading off to Vegas was trip four of five. So by the time I was in Vegas my head cold was in full swing, my jetlag a bit more than a mere annoyance and my desire to just relax was high. So now you have a bit of context to the weekend...

Normally I arrive on Thursday and leave Tuesday, but with all the travel that was impossible. So I arrived Friday afternoon. Lizzie was already settled into our room when I got there and, as I walked from reception toward the elevator I was pleased when I ran into her in the casino, dragging an armload of water, groceries and wine. We followed each other to the room and then had a big hug, reuniting and melting in each other's arms. We enjoyed the first of many OTK spankings back in our room. It's always good to reunite that connection we share.

Soon we were greeting Jada and her friend who had arrived after a protracted, three airport, 4 am EDT to 7 pm PDT travel day. It was great to see Jada again at a party for the first time in a long time. 

We enjoyed the vendor fair and then headed back to our room for some fun socializing, then ended up heading to bed early. Lizzie was tired from a long day of travel and the time difference and I was completely exhausted after having gotten back from Europe just the day before. 

But before bed Lizzie was a good girl and shared with me a recent surprise purchase:
Saturday was a quiet day during daylight hours. Buffet in the casino, lazing by the pool, sometime at the fitness center, then, before too long, it was time for the banquet and dance. We got ready, went down stairs and ended up getting invited to Indy's table, where Jada and her friend joined us, and Michael and Kate soon followed. Jada, Lizzie and I had dinner earlier at PF Chang's (between Jada and Lizzie's food allergies it's hard to get anything decent for them to eat at the hotel banquet). We had a fun time chatting, catching up with old friends and then, as the evening wore on and Bob the DJ got the music rolling, Lizzie and I shared a dance.

Afterward we went back to our room, changed, and went back up to the suites. We missed the midnight pillow fight with a bunch of the girls by mere seconds, hung out and had fun talking. Erica came out and I grabbed my opportunity and took her into the bedroom to give her a proper spanking. We had a pleasant scene, all hand. Afterward, Erica nuzzled into my hand. "That hand is still hard," I think she said. I looked up and John was there, he reached down and smacked Erica's bottom, trying to make her think it was me. This went on a couple times before she turned around and kicked her leg. "Oh, John!" She snickered and she and I hugged. It's always great to play with Erica. As soon as we finish I always realize how much I miss her.

We went to another suite with Indy and the Northern Spankings group. We were thrilled to hang out with such a fun, diverse group of people. Lizzie had been strapped before by Paul and was really wanting me to see his technique. Given his reputation (and coming from the UK and all, it's no doubt he would be strong on technique), I thought I could learn something. So soon after we arrived, Lizzie was standing, her hands on the dining room table, presenting her beautiful bottom, ready for Paul's strap. Paul laid into her, very methodically and with a great deal of gusto, I might add! He proceeded to produce some canes and take care of her with some finely aimed moves. Afterward, I approached Paul to ask what about his technique had Lizzie so starry-eyed. We talked about what he did, but in the end I pulled my belt and asked him to watch so he could give me some pointers. I went through a few strokes on Lizzie, and Paul gave me some excellent notes. I kept an open mind, tried again, and Lizzie assured me the technique was an improvement. Thanks, Paul! I'm always happy to learn something new to improve what I do.

Sunday arrived and Lizzie and I took a cab to a local breakfast place for some chicken & waffles. It wasn't nearly as good as he had hoped (not nearly as good as Roscoe's in LA or La-la's in Phoenix). Afterward, we grabbed a coffee at Starbucks, slathered on some suntan lotion and walked back to the Sun Coast. It was hot but we both enjoyed the walk, actually detouring from our Google Maps route to explore a desert preserve.

Back at the hotel, Jada came to visit and we sat around and talked for a bit. It seemed like the two wanted to talk on their own and I had wanted some time in the casino so I took the opportunity to go downstairs to explore some casino machines while the girls caught up. After a few hours I got a text from Lizzie: I MISS YOU. So I went back up stairs.

Much to my surprise, Lizzie (with the help of Jada!) had coordinated and organized an early surprise birthday party (my 50th birthday is a few weeks away still). I opened the hotel room door and, much to my dismay, the room was utterly clean--devoid of shoes or clothes or luggage--and sitting across the room was Michael! Then I noticed the cake. Well, really, it was a Boston Cream Pie, my absolute favorite dessert, complete with wax HAPPY BIRTHDAY candles on top!

I was utterly shocked and surprised, which is amazing, because it's hard to pull a fast one on me. Kate was there with Michael and we had a lovely little birthday bash. Soon, Indy arrived as well Erica and John slept through the whole thing--sheesh you guys! ;-) Michael finally said, "Okay, it's Craig's birthday, time for his birthday present!" I think the below photo says it all:

So Jada, Kate, Indy and Lizzie (not in that order) all took to the bed while I proceeded to spank them all--often in time to music--and Michael and I took turns, then we jointly had at it with them. What a perfect gift! I couldn't've asked for a better birthday present!

Later that night Michael & Kate came by our room for an amazing scene and then we ended up back in the Northern Spankings suite and I was pleased to get to know the incomparable Zille Defeu. I think Lizzie and I both have a new crush... Lizzie and I did an OTK scene in the middle of the suite. It was a perfect end to a relaxing party. Between getting sick on my recent business travels and jetlag I'm surprised I hung in as well as I did. We had a fantastic Shadow Lane! 

Until next year...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Teasing into the Future

As I prepare my party report from this year's Shadow Lane party, I'd like to tease something exciting and new. Going live later this month will be a brand new blog from yours truly and Lizzie Huckleberry. Our blog is going to chronicle our life, events, experiences and scenes--from the dual perspective of top/bottom, D/s, male/female in an unique side-by-side posting format.

We'll pick a topic, event, activity, subject and discuss it from our own unique perspectives. Don't fret, I'll keep Dark Musing alive and active, sharing my own "top's eye view" of the scene and my own perspectives on life in the lifestyle, but our new blog with be a shared view, unique and fun and different.

Keep an eye here and on Lizzie's blog for updates.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Off to Vegas

Like so many of my Fellow Kinksters, I'm off to Vegas this afternoon for a weekend of fun, frolicking spanking activities at Shadow Lane. This is my first party since last year's Shadow Lane, a bit of an oddity for me since normally I go to Boardwalk Badness Weekend at FMS' Tropical Beach Party. A lot of changes have been happening in my life in the last year (almost a year to the day to be precise) and I'll be filling you all in on some of that in future posts here soon. Suffice it to say, I'm happy to be going, happing to be seeing old friends. I've fallen off the face of the Earth in terms of my kinkster life, I fear (other than this blog, which I realize has been spotty at times) but look forward to a vigorous return.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Where am I?

So once again the blog has fallen into a lugubrious state as I'm on the road for five trips over four weeks with an overnight at home in between each--generally around 12 hours on the ground. Of course, one of those weeks was a vacation and one trip will be to Shadow Lane in Vegas over Labor Day Weekend. The rest is business and mostly to the Middle East where, as you regular readers will know, my blog is blocked. 

So while I rack up the frequent flyer miles let me once again apologize for not providing you with interesting missives, musings and hilarity. I'll be back to my regularly scheduled programming soon...

Friday, August 17, 2012

Welcome Tops

Doesn't seem like a very legit conference.

Shot this while driving down the road in Memphis (I think--it's been a while).

Friday, August 10, 2012

You know...for the kiddies!

A hot trend for the last couple years has been dubbed "urban vinyl"--designer toys with a decidedly less-than-mainstream bent aimed at adults. Check 'em out for yourself at places like KidRobot. Neat stuff. Some are collectibles valued at hundreds of dollars apiece. (Yours Truly has his own set of dozens such figures at work.) There's a series of cigarette chompin' rabbits called "Smorkin' Labbit". The newest in the line? Their "dark bedroom attire" model.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Just felt like sharing...

With special thanks to Threadless.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Dom, Top, Disciplinarian, Master

There are a lot of terms used to describe someone who leans (or is) into dominance/submission. I myself wrote about the differences between being tops and doms back in 2009. But there are as many views about terminology as there are kinksters, with no clear delineation between one term and another. You've got all kinds of labels/descriptors: doms, tops, disciplinarians, masters, sirs, etc. Many (if not most) in the leather community believe titles such as "sir" and "master" are bestowed, earned. There are far too many asshats (Erica's term, lovingly borrowed) out there trolling and FetLife who've given themselves a title, naively or simply because they don't care.

I've never gone with a descriptor other than top, even though there are times and with certain individuals when my demeanor, attitude and approach leans toward dom, to be sure. First of all, I think some of those titles truly are earned. I'm not a master at shit. I'd love to be, but I'm not, even after being in the lifestyle publicly for a number of years. And certainly my opinion on such things has been an evolution over the years. 

As you could read from that post linked above, I was pretty adamant to being a top, period. But over time, in developing relationships with others, and in discovering myself, I've watched as my own leanings bent toward being a dominant. Some tell me such inclinations are inherent to the individual and that my own dominant traits are innate. I don't know. I certainly know that a person can bring out that trait a lot stronger in me than others. Lizzie, for example, was the one of the first people to really pull out my dominant side even before I saw it as such. Over time she and I have developed our own protocol, our own version of D/s that works for us. I don't have anything to compare it to. Other experiments with other women have had varying degrees of success for varying reasons. 

One description I came up with for my particular type of dominance I wrote as "...a life coach with consequences." I helped keep my play partner on track, within certain guidelines and goals and if she veered off course, there was hell to pay. Since then, I think my leanings with LIzzie could be seen as even more D/s than that. 

(I'd love to hear her perspective on the subject in a blog of hers someday. I've always been keen on the top/bottom perspectives to the same subject. In the past, Erica & I and Lizzie & I have blogged about our scenes from each of our viewpoints and recollections, which I personally found fascinating. A bit Rashomon at times.)

Whether I'm drawn into being a dom, a top or a disciplinarian I try to do it in a way where I'm learning as I go and being as real to the moment as I can be. As my own evolution continues I will strive to share it with each of you, Fellow Kinksters. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Kinkiest Olympics Ever

I'm not above reposting when I've got nothing to say. This was sent to me by a vanilla friend showing some hilariously kinky misconstrued images from the 2012 London Olympics games thus far.

I strongly urge you to check out the 23 Olympic Photos even more awkwardly erotic than the porn you just finished watching from