Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Guide to Paddles

There it is. Thank you Dick's. 

An amusing little aside: out in SoCal where I live there used to be a chain of sporting goods stores called Chick's Sporting Goods. They got bought out by Dick's. No kidding. So my family and I always refer to it as "Chicks and Dicks." God, I'm so junior high...

Friday, September 28, 2012

Life, Interrupted.

For the past year I've been on a rather self-imposed censorship on this blog. You may have noticed I haven't had many personal posts over that time, that the content has been light and a bit frivolous. (Alright, well, I've always striven for a bit of light and frivolous to let my sense of humor show, but those of you who are regulars—and there seem to be far fewer of you than there used to be—know what I'm talking about.) 

You see, since September 7 of last year I've been in the process of getting a divorce from my wife of 28 years. Yes, it's as drastic and as torturous and as crazy and as emotionally upending as it sounds. From the start we didn't want it to get ugly. We agreed to mediation. In the end, it was very pragmatic, very grown up and not at all hostile. I think we both ended up in a good place, but for the last year I've kept my head down, hunkered low and didn't rock the boat. I didn't go to any play parties, not really sure how to deal with it all.

I didn't want to blog about what was up. It seemed too much. I went through depressive periods. I couldn't see the end of the process. Hell, just starting the process was hard enough and took a great deal of help and support from my kink-aware therapist, my friends and my family. 

As I told a friend: if you eat the same thing for breakfast every day for 28 years—even if it's your favorite food in the whole wide world—and all of a sudden you stop having it there is undoubtedly going to be weirdness, strife and a feeling of confusion. I certainly went through that, in spades. 

For economic reasons we cohabited in the same house, which held its own challenges as you might imagine. On September 1 (ironically, the date of my anniversary) of this year my ex moved out and I settled into a new state of being. And on September 19 (the day after my 50th birthday) the judge sealed the deal.

So I thought it was about time to get back to my usual pithy, disclosing self. I'll share more of this new life adventure soon. In the mean time, special thanks to my kids (who don't read this blog but I wanted you all to know they were valuable support), to Erica, to Jada, to Michael & Kate and to Lizzie, whom I couldn't've gone through this without.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

50 Shades of Jumping the Shark...

We've all talked about the 50 Shades phenomenon ad nauseum. I know my piece on the phenomenon (more than the book) covered it and certainly Erica has as well. So I feel a sense of obligation to mention something that Fellow Kinkster A'marie sent to me today, a new book on Amazon called 50 Shades of Chicken. A parody cookbook? Now that's a new wrinkle. I assume it's mostly about trussing chickens, but here's a passage of prose from this soon-to-be-released tome now in preorder on the site:

Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”
   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.
   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
   I know what his hard cooking is like.
   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
   Give me a B!
   Give me an L!
   Give me an A!
   Give me a D! E! S! 
   Whack whack whack.
   What does that spell?
   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. 
   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
   I must remember to cluck at him more often.

Of course, if that doesn't work for you, there's also 50 Shades of Bacon, an erotic cookbook...

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Kinky America

When I travel and see something utterly kinky (or simply misconstrued as kinky) I like to snap a pic and pop it up on the blog here. I've found questionably kinky things in Lebanon and plenty of kinky humor in the UK here and here.

Currently I'm traveling across these great United States with Lizzie traveling I-40, paralleling the magnificent Route 66. Along the way we've happened upon some very kinky things. Here are some pics we've snapped along the way to prove our point:

Oh, those cedar souvenirs found in roadside gift shoppes all across
this great Country of ours... I specifically recall Brad and Jada
fondly mentioning the "Attitude Adjuster" and lamenting they can't be
found anymore. Guess what? They CAN! (Lizzie likes that they sold the paddles

with sling shots... And she says they should call the paddle: "No, we aren't there yet!")

Lizzie caught this case you need supplies for your Rape Kit:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


There is an odd, new indy film out (and it may be hard to find) that would be interesting to check out, Fellow Kinksters. It's called Compliance and rather than tell you about the premise myself, I'll simply quote Entertainment Weekly. They summed it up well:

A man calls a fast-food restaurant and tells the manager that he's a cop and that an employee has stolen from a customer. Before the end of the movie, the caller persuades the manager (a female) to strip-search the suspect (another female). He also talks the manager into committing a sexual act. 

Sounds strange? You bet. But what makes it even stranger? It really happened in 2004 at a McDonald's in Kentucky. The employee was detained, stripped and sexually assaulted on the instructions of a caller pretending to be a police officer. A prison guard was charged with soliciting a sex act and impersonating an officer, but was acquitted in 2006. The restaurant manager however, received a year's probation and her fiancĂ©, who helped guard the employee, pleased guilty to sexual abuse, sexual misconduct and unlawful imprisonment, and got a five year jail sentence. As for the victim, she got a cool $5 million in compensatory and punitive damages from McDonald's.

It's a strange story, made stranger because some of this sounds like scenes I've seen, heard about, read about or watched on video. And being convicted of unlawful imprisonment certainly hits a tender spot. What top (or bottom, for that matter) haven't worried about getting accused by a stranger of just such a thing? Now, I'm not condoning and I'm certainly not aggrandizing the terrible experience the poor drive-thru employee went through, but you also gotta admit that it sounds like certain erotic humiliation scenes--if it had only been fictional.

The director had this to say: "I hope the movie, in a way, isn't pleasant enough to be something that someone would want to be involved in. And you'd have to be a pretty devoted perv." Noted.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Shadow Lane Party Report

Okay, you guys know me. I travel constantly. Always on the go. Well, I've been traveling for weeks with only a 12-hour or so respite between. Middle East, home, midwest, home, Europe, home and then...Vegas! Shadow Lane time! Woo-hoo! But as I returned from Denmark I finally succumbed to all the travel and sleeplessness and crappy European beds and got sick. Just in case you aren't keeping a tally, I'm traveling for five weeks straight, with only a night home between each trip. Heading off to Vegas was trip four of five. So by the time I was in Vegas my head cold was in full swing, my jetlag a bit more than a mere annoyance and my desire to just relax was high. So now you have a bit of context to the weekend...

Normally I arrive on Thursday and leave Tuesday, but with all the travel that was impossible. So I arrived Friday afternoon. Lizzie was already settled into our room when I got there and, as I walked from reception toward the elevator I was pleased when I ran into her in the casino, dragging an armload of water, groceries and wine. We followed each other to the room and then had a big hug, reuniting and melting in each other's arms. We enjoyed the first of many OTK spankings back in our room. It's always good to reunite that connection we share.

Soon we were greeting Jada and her friend who had arrived after a protracted, three airport, 4 am EDT to 7 pm PDT travel day. It was great to see Jada again at a party for the first time in a long time. 

We enjoyed the vendor fair and then headed back to our room for some fun socializing, then ended up heading to bed early. Lizzie was tired from a long day of travel and the time difference and I was completely exhausted after having gotten back from Europe just the day before. 

But before bed Lizzie was a good girl and shared with me a recent surprise purchase:
Saturday was a quiet day during daylight hours. Buffet in the casino, lazing by the pool, sometime at the fitness center, then, before too long, it was time for the banquet and dance. We got ready, went down stairs and ended up getting invited to Indy's table, where Jada and her friend joined us, and Michael and Kate soon followed. Jada, Lizzie and I had dinner earlier at PF Chang's (between Jada and Lizzie's food allergies it's hard to get anything decent for them to eat at the hotel banquet). We had a fun time chatting, catching up with old friends and then, as the evening wore on and Bob the DJ got the music rolling, Lizzie and I shared a dance.

Afterward we went back to our room, changed, and went back up to the suites. We missed the midnight pillow fight with a bunch of the girls by mere seconds, hung out and had fun talking. Erica came out and I grabbed my opportunity and took her into the bedroom to give her a proper spanking. We had a pleasant scene, all hand. Afterward, Erica nuzzled into my hand. "That hand is still hard," I think she said. I looked up and John was there, he reached down and smacked Erica's bottom, trying to make her think it was me. This went on a couple times before she turned around and kicked her leg. "Oh, John!" She snickered and she and I hugged. It's always great to play with Erica. As soon as we finish I always realize how much I miss her.

We went to another suite with Indy and the Northern Spankings group. We were thrilled to hang out with such a fun, diverse group of people. Lizzie had been strapped before by Paul and was really wanting me to see his technique. Given his reputation (and coming from the UK and all, it's no doubt he would be strong on technique), I thought I could learn something. So soon after we arrived, Lizzie was standing, her hands on the dining room table, presenting her beautiful bottom, ready for Paul's strap. Paul laid into her, very methodically and with a great deal of gusto, I might add! He proceeded to produce some canes and take care of her with some finely aimed moves. Afterward, I approached Paul to ask what about his technique had Lizzie so starry-eyed. We talked about what he did, but in the end I pulled my belt and asked him to watch so he could give me some pointers. I went through a few strokes on Lizzie, and Paul gave me some excellent notes. I kept an open mind, tried again, and Lizzie assured me the technique was an improvement. Thanks, Paul! I'm always happy to learn something new to improve what I do.

Sunday arrived and Lizzie and I took a cab to a local breakfast place for some chicken & waffles. It wasn't nearly as good as he had hoped (not nearly as good as Roscoe's in LA or La-la's in Phoenix). Afterward, we grabbed a coffee at Starbucks, slathered on some suntan lotion and walked back to the Sun Coast. It was hot but we both enjoyed the walk, actually detouring from our Google Maps route to explore a desert preserve.

Back at the hotel, Jada came to visit and we sat around and talked for a bit. It seemed like the two wanted to talk on their own and I had wanted some time in the casino so I took the opportunity to go downstairs to explore some casino machines while the girls caught up. After a few hours I got a text from Lizzie: I MISS YOU. So I went back up stairs.

Much to my surprise, Lizzie (with the help of Jada!) had coordinated and organized an early surprise birthday party (my 50th birthday is a few weeks away still). I opened the hotel room door and, much to my dismay, the room was utterly clean--devoid of shoes or clothes or luggage--and sitting across the room was Michael! Then I noticed the cake. Well, really, it was a Boston Cream Pie, my absolute favorite dessert, complete with wax HAPPY BIRTHDAY candles on top!

I was utterly shocked and surprised, which is amazing, because it's hard to pull a fast one on me. Kate was there with Michael and we had a lovely little birthday bash. Soon, Indy arrived as well Erica and John slept through the whole thing--sheesh you guys! ;-) Michael finally said, "Okay, it's Craig's birthday, time for his birthday present!" I think the below photo says it all:

So Jada, Kate, Indy and Lizzie (not in that order) all took to the bed while I proceeded to spank them all--often in time to music--and Michael and I took turns, then we jointly had at it with them. What a perfect gift! I couldn't've asked for a better birthday present!

Later that night Michael & Kate came by our room for an amazing scene and then we ended up back in the Northern Spankings suite and I was pleased to get to know the incomparable Zille Defeu. I think Lizzie and I both have a new crush... Lizzie and I did an OTK scene in the middle of the suite. It was a perfect end to a relaxing party. Between getting sick on my recent business travels and jetlag I'm surprised I hung in as well as I did. We had a fantastic Shadow Lane! 

Until next year...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Teasing into the Future

As I prepare my party report from this year's Shadow Lane party, I'd like to tease something exciting and new. Going live later this month will be a brand new blog from yours truly and Lizzie Huckleberry. Our blog is going to chronicle our life, events, experiences and scenes--from the dual perspective of top/bottom, D/s, male/female in an unique side-by-side posting format.

We'll pick a topic, event, activity, subject and discuss it from our own unique perspectives. Don't fret, I'll keep Dark Musing alive and active, sharing my own "top's eye view" of the scene and my own perspectives on life in the lifestyle, but our new blog with be a shared view, unique and fun and different.

Keep an eye here and on Lizzie's blog for updates.