Friday, November 30, 2012

I'm off... the Middle East again. That means censorship, no access to my blog and thus, no posts. This time I'll be gone 10 days, which means you won't be getting any updates until I'm back December 11 (unless I can spoof the system through VPN—we'll see—I've had limited success with that in the past.

In the mean time, Black & Blue, my side-by-side format joint blog with Lizzie is up and running and will continue weekly posts (she does all the hard work on HTML there).

Thanks for your patience.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A Time for Genuine Punishments

Over on our joint blog, Black & Blue, Lizzie and I are blogging next week about the difference between "funishments" and what I call Genuine Punishments. This got me thinking about punishment and when Lizzie does things wrong. On the one hand, I'm a firm believer in consequences for one's actions. On the other, I'd also like to believe I'm fair. 

The other day Lizzie and I had an event to attend in which we were volunteering to help. We drove 40 miles or so on a Sunday morning to the venue and were perplexed that no one was there. 15 minutes went by and still no one was there. I started to wonder if the time had changed. Lizzie texted the organizer and much to her chagrin she had entered the wrong date on our joint Google calendar. The event was a week later. She was certainly frustrated and annoyed at her actions and was very apologetic. 

On the drive back I thought about a Genuine Punishment. Lizzie needed correction for her mistake. We had gotten up early, driven 80 miles and had nothing to show for it. But at the same time, I knew she had beaten herself up rather substantially in the car on the way back and felt awful. What would be gained by punishing her further? Would she "learn a lesson" or just harbor resentment for my harshness? 

(The very seasoned and knowledgable gentleman who provided me a great deal of advice in how to play and how to be when I started playing publicly said that a Dom/top could be compassionate or could be cruel. Which was I? I'd love to believe I'm compassionate with a very sadistic streak...)

So I went with compassionate in this case. Lizzie beat herself up for her error. I didn't need to do it again.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Turkey Day

As each of you in the U.S. of A. prepare for Thanksgiving, allow me to say thanks to each of you for your loyal readership. As I'm wont to say, I hope I'm able to entertain, provide you some occasional and interesting insights into my lifestyle and some random opinions on a top's eye view of the scene.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish

The New York Times ran a really fantastic story on Friday about a spanking devotee's need to express herself and her kink to her partner(s). Jillian Keenan reveals a heartbreaking tale (one that we all know) of how hard it is to come out. After reading through this poignant article (made more amazing by the fact it's in the NY Times) it made me appreciate the connections I've made in the lifestyle, particularly with my partner Lizzie. 

Like recent posts on this very blog on this subject, finding a partner who not only understands our particular kink but is also harmoniously compatible is hard to find, so if and when you do you have to grab it with all you've got and not let go, if possible. 

Read the piece. You'll be moved:

(And thanks to Lizzie for sending this article my way.)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Love My Lurkers!

Yet another Love Our Lurkers has arrived. This is the annual event conceived by Bonnie over at Bottom Smarts to thank all of you for reading—even if you're not commenting! Well, I know you're out there, I know your reading (thank you, Blogger stats and Google Analytics!) from as close as L.A. to as far as China, Australia and Russia. Your continuous attention to Dark Musing is what keeps me writing.

From the very start I wanted to give a unique perspective to kink and the lifestyle. I wanted to share a male top's view of scenes and what goes through our heads. I wanted to lend some of my own sense of humor to all of that too, and post my own discoveries, mistakes, foibles and changing views along the way. 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your loyal following and thanks for being "out there" reading the weird shit I've got to say. You rock.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Silent Scenes

A close up of the cane marks on Lizzie's bottom from
one of our first "Silent Scenes."
With Lizzie by my side we find ourselves deep in our walk-in closet on a regular basis having these odd little scenes. What kind of scenes? I've taken to calling them "Silent Scenes." Since I have kids still living at home and since our bedroom isn't soundproofed (now that would be the ultimate kinkster's dream, wouldn't it?) we have to close the bedroom door, close the closet door and move to the far end of said walk-in closet. On top of that, you can still hear sounds of slapping and whacking. I know. 

So one evening when no one was home I pulled out my (sizable) implements collection and tried each, one at a time, on Lizzie to see which were, essentially, silent. Some were obvious (canes? silent), some not (that equestrian knotted-tip riding crop? oh yeah! totally silent!). By the end, we had our cadre of implements for our Silent Scene.

Each night before bed, almost nightly, we have been doing silent scenes. One night it was all canes. Here's the result of that particular effort:

One night it was this terrible, wretched thick black rubber "rod" that Lizzie gifted to me in the hopes she'd never see it again ages ago (the one that was once described to me at a Shadow Lane party as "the scene killer" by Miss Chris). This short scene, played out in silence, left Lizzie in tears it pushed her so hard.

These near-nightly scenes have turned into their own sort of genre of scene. What can be done differently? How can we switch it up? What will be silent? The scenes all take place in the walk-in closet. They're always quiet and they're rather short. I think Lizzie is just happy to have the opportunity to get beaten so frequently. I'm pleased we can feed our kink without having to run to the dungeon to do so.

Happy times. Strange scenes. Sounds pretty normal, doesn't it?